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Struggling with worthlessness

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Struggling with worthlessness

Postby goldfinch » Tue Mar 23, 2021 3:39 pm

I have an unpredictable chronic health condition which means that some days I can't sit up or open my eyes, but on others I am reasonably ok as long as I can manage my pain and don't move around too much. Because I can't predict when an episode will happen it is impossible for me to hold a normal job, or do anything that involves short deadlines/timescale. I also find it very difficult to arrange anything in advance.

I know logically that my value as a person is not based on the work I can do or the things I achieve but I am having a very hard time convincing myself of that. This is probably exacerbated by my history of being praised for things like academic achievements but not managing to get the same praise for other areas of my life.

My original life plan was to do medical research or something along those lines and I still want to use my life to help people but I am struggling to find anything worthwhile that I can do within the parameters my chronic illness caused. I currently feel unfulfilled and worthless/guilty for not being able to change that.

Does anyone have advice on how to deal with these feelings?

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Joined: Mon Oct 19, 2020 11:38 am

Re: Struggling with worthlessness

Postby jon. » Sun Mar 28, 2021 8:50 am

Hi, I'm sorry you have those feelings but you aren't alone there are people out there who are in similar situations.

I have been in constant chronic pain every minute of every day for the last 10 years, I take over 30 pills a day and on a good day I'm active enough to unload the cutlery shelf and the first shelf of a dishwasher, I have what I call my industrial grabber as it's very sturdy and with it I can unload the washing machine, load the tumble dryer (checking the labels first, I'm ocd about that, my wife can be a bit casual) and pick up the dog toys. For me anything like that is a win and its something my wife doesn't have to do.

I have days I think I am worthless too, I ask my wife why she is with me because as I haven't worked for the 10 years, there would be no way I could hold down a job and so I'm useless to her, she says I have a job and that is being the best husband I can be for her, she says that she hasn't felt the need to fire me yet and I've been married for 4 years and together for 13 years.

I'm rambling a bit but what I'm trying to say is no one is really worthless, I don't know your situation but you could have people who care about you and think you have great worth. It would be so easy for me to give up so i try to find little wins and if one day I can't get out of bed then hopefully the next day I'll be able to do something, if not then hopefully the next day and so on and so on.

So in closing, you aren't on your own, unfortunately you are in a club of many where the members are in chronic pain (horary for us), talk to people on how you feel either friends, family or professionals, try to find the little wins in life and most importantly keep hope alive.

In the great words of Jean-Luc Picard the longest journey is started by the smallest footstep.

Take care.


Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Mar 23, 2021 2:17 pm

Re: Struggling with worthlessness

Postby goldfinch » Sun Mar 28, 2021 6:19 pm

Hi Jon,

Thank you. It's good to remember that I'm not alone even if it sucks that we are all card carrying members of the chronic pain club. Focusing on the little wins is a good idea - thanks. Today I managed to repot some of my plants and they look great. I'm content right now and I'll try to focus on that.

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