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What is wrong with my brother??

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
hells64
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed May 10, 2017 1:29 pm

What is wrong with my brother??

Postby hells64 » Wed May 10, 2017 9:32 pm

Hi
I need help for my brother. He has always been a bit of a loner and has never really had much of a social circle. I have been increasingly worried about his mental health for some time.

I live in Australia but I am currently in UK moving our mum out of the family home into residential care.
Our father died last September. My brother has not coped at all with any of this, he has not helped at all with packing up the house and has become increasingly more withdrawn, abusive and is very easily aggravated.
He does not communicate with me ( or anyone else as far as I can tell ) other than on a very superficial level, but will send extremely distressing emails and messages on facebook messenger. Any reply I send, he either ignores me or twists what I say to make it like I am doing something wrong. It is completely impossible to have a meaningful discussion with him about anything ! The people I know who have been close to him (ex's family) are also extremely concerned about him.
He refuses to believe (or admit? ) that he has any mental health issues but has now told myself and his ex - girlfiend, that he believes he is dying of, quote" UNDIAGNOSED advanced cancer".
According to his ex he has been saying this now for over a year. He now says he has been to the doctor but absolutley refuses to give any more information.

Just over a week ago now, he stopped all communication, even with our Mum. This is even more unusual than his "normal" behaviour. He has not been to visit and the only communication mum has had was a 2 word email saying " Am OK ". ( when he told me he thought he was dying , he said " Dont tell mum, so he doesnt want her to panic)

For the past 5 days we have ben unable to contact him, so yesterday I drove to his house to see if I could talk to him. I dont normally go there because of the way he has treated me since our father passed away. ( constant abuse). Long story short.....he didnt answer the door but it wasn't locked , so I went in. The kitchen is an absolute pig sty, the place was dark, his car was there but no sign of life.
I went upstairs...... He was in bed (6.30pm). All I can say about what happened next is that I managed to remain calm whilst being totally abused and yelled at and being told to "F Off". He looked terrible. He told me he hasnt been working, he told me he'd been to a doctor...but I dont really know if he has.
After going through this for the last 6 months it has now come to a head. ( because I am now in the UK). I honestly have no idea if he is physically ill. I do know that there is something majorly wrong with his mental health. Maybe this has made him physically ill?
How on earth can you make someone you care about realise the need help, if they wont talk to you ? ( or anyone else in the family)??

Hoping someone has some answers for me !!! :(

Isap
Posts: 1848
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: What is wrong with my brother??

Postby Isap » Thu May 11, 2017 8:46 am

Hi there

This forum is very quiet so sorry you had to wait for a reply.

I've heard about cases like your brother. Autism and aspergers were the first things that came to mind. He's also extremely depressed and I think its certain he has not seen s doctor. He is wallowing in self pity which is making his condition worse.

I haven't lived in the UK for 35 years so don't know how you can get help for him in this situation. hopefully someone else will reply.

You're doing the best you can. A less caring sis would say sod him and leave him to his own devices

Isap x

hells64
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed May 10, 2017 1:29 pm

Re: What is wrong with my brother??

Postby hells64 » Thu May 11, 2017 10:16 am

Thankyou, I just need help to get him to realise that HE needs help, at the moment he wont accept ANY !!!
H

rsxo
Posts: 1397
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: What is wrong with my brother??

Postby rsxo » Fri May 12, 2017 9:50 pm

hells64 wrote:Hi
I need help for my brother. He has always been a bit of a loner and has never really had much of a social circle. I have been increasingly worried about his mental health for some time.

I live in Australia but I am currently in UK moving our mum out of the family home into residential care.
Our father died last September. My brother has not coped at all with any of this, he has not helped at all with packing up the house and has become increasingly more withdrawn, abusive and is very easily aggravated.
He does not communicate with me ( or anyone else as far as I can tell ) other than on a very superficial level, but will send extremely distressing emails and messages on facebook messenger. Any reply I send, he either ignores me or twists what I say to make it like I am doing something wrong. It is completely impossible to have a meaningful discussion with him about anything ! The people I know who have been close to him (ex's family) are also extremely concerned about him.
He refuses to believe (or admit? ) that he has any mental health issues but has now told myself and his ex - girlfiend, that he believes he is dying of, quote" UNDIAGNOSED advanced cancer".
According to his ex he has been saying this now for over a year. He now says he has been to the doctor but absolutley refuses to give any more information.

Just over a week ago now, he stopped all communication, even with our Mum. This is even more unusual than his "normal" behaviour. He has not been to visit and the only communication mum has had was a 2 word email saying " Am OK ". ( when he told me he thought he was dying , he said " Dont tell mum, so he doesnt want her to panic)

For the past 5 days we have ben unable to contact him, so yesterday I drove to his house to see if I could talk to him. I dont normally go there because of the way he has treated me since our father passed away. ( constant abuse). Long story short.....he didnt answer the door but it wasn't locked , so I went in. The kitchen is an absolute pig sty, the place was dark, his car was there but no sign of life.
I went upstairs...... He was in bed (6.30pm). All I can say about what happened next is that I managed to remain calm whilst being totally abused and yelled at and being told to "F Off". He looked terrible. He told me he hasnt been working, he told me he'd been to a doctor...but I dont really know if he has.
After going through this for the last 6 months it has now come to a head. ( because I am now in the UK). I honestly have no idea if he is physically ill. I do know that there is something majorly wrong with his mental health. Maybe this has made him physically ill?
How on earth can you make someone you care about realise the need help, if they wont talk to you ? ( or anyone else in the family)??

Hoping someone has some answers for me !!! :(


Hi hells64,

You've shown great resilience to remain calm and patient in the face of your brothers hostility, so well done for that!

Counselling or therapy would be a useful way to deal with grief and loss. The best way to communicate this with your brother is not as a way to improve his lifestyle, but to discuss his feelings about the loss with someone. He's more likely to speak to someone who he sees trying to help him professionally.

Hope your brother gets the help he needs :)

Much love <3
RSxo <3


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