Just eveything feeling low Sucidial emotional irritable worthless failure ugly fat I hate me ! lots of things changing been seeing a private therapist but I'm now going to nhs puscotherapy as I was on a waiting list for 6 months but as normal I can't get a normal therapist she said she's an on call doctor too so she could cancel an appointment but with the way in feeling I need someone every week !
Going to be tough to leave her my private therapist she listened to me throughout the cbt therapist thing but I have to I can't afford it but I'm going back to her when the nhs people go on holiday
I'm in 2 minds my private therapist said you have 2 choices (regarding my health ) stick where you are and be unhappy or potentially help yourself but she said I know that's tough but I hate change and I said To her I'm scarced to change as stupidly its comfortable and safe being unhappy I've been like this for 13 years and I'm now 21 and so much has happened. And also as so much has happened if I start being happy something will happen and ill go backwards and I'm scarced that no one will support me and react differently towards me and if i start to feel a tad better therapists wont see me and ill be left alone a nd stupidly therapists to me have been apart of my life so I'm Used to it and it will leave a hole as therapists are and have been the only ones I talk too as no one else understands and I have no one else .
scarced to change but I don't want to as well quarter of me saying do it the other three quarters saying dint it's change I hate change and what it's going to feel like I've been like this for so long it's normal life for me
The cbt therapist thing still affecting me on top of eveything else
Anyway enough basically I
Wish I could jump in front of train but I can't
Too cowardly !
So much else going on but I'd be here for years explaining! I can't cope anymore sick of putting a mask on to everyone and saying I'm ok when I'm not
Can someone on here send someone to shoot me pleae ?
Thanks for caring no one else does !
The end !
Last edited by Aleshadxcherylc
on Thu Oct 18, 2012 9:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
And the tears come streaming down your face,when you lose something you cant replace
Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you
No-one ever comes close to you