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Asexuality and sexual trauma

Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2021 3:09 pm
by goldfinch
Hi people.
Disclaimer to start. I 100% believe that being asexual does not mean that you have had to have some horrible sexual experiences in the past and it has 'put you off sex' or whatever nonsense some people claim.

That being said, I identify as asexual (and possible aromantic though I'm still figuring that out). When I was 17-18 I ended up in a very unhealthy sexual relationship with my music teacher (40ish) which has basically been my only sexual experience (except masturbation). At the time I was just flattered that someone had found me attractive because at that point in my life I felt like that would never happen.

I'm struggling to reconcile the trauma I have from that 'relationship' with my sexuality. Did those experiences influence my lack of desire for sex and does that make me less asexual? I do enjoy masturbating and reading erotica sometimes (though I find porn boring), but don't want another real person involved in my sex life. Could this be trauma related or am I overthinking this and gatekeeping my own sexuality?

Any insights helpful!

Re: Asexuality and sexual trauma

Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2021 12:37 pm
by beatricemom
It may indeed be related to previous traumatic experiences in adolescence. You are afraid to open up to another person, to let this person closer to you. here rather the problem is not a lack of sexual desire, but I am fear of emotional closeness.

Re: Asexuality and sexual trauma

Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2021 9:02 pm
by goldfinch
The bit about emotional closeness is definitely accurate. I have a lot of trouble being honest about my feelings with both myself and others.
However I don't think that negates my lack of interest in sex with a partner - imagining myself having sex usual results in boredom or mild discomfort which is distinctly different from the emotions paired with thinking about my actual sexual experience.