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Sexual assault and R*pe

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wheezy0409
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2020 3:37 am

Sexual assault and R*pe

Postby wheezy0409 » Sun Apr 11, 2021 1:46 am

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
WARNING!
PLEASE BE CAREFUL WHILST READING IF YOU HAVE TRAUMA OR HAVE BEEN AFFECTED BY RAPE, SEXUAL ASSULT OR ABUSE!
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️


I’ve been wanting to write about this for a little while as it’s really fucked me up. I should probably see a therapist about it but my family can’t know the must never know.

So I am just gonna say it my ex boyfriend raped and sexually assaulted me, and I only remembered about two months ago. I had repressed the memories and now that I’ve remembered them they have really fucked me up. My ex partner was emotionally abusive and narcissist. He was addicted to sex.
He would touch me inappropriately in college, on the bus, on the streets, in fields, etc. And if I asked him to stop or told him no he’d do one of many things:
Tell me I’m being overly sensitive and continue till I started to push him away
Beg me to let him continue and then sulk
Sulk and guilt trip me
Ignore me/continue and not stop even when I pushed him away
Roll his eyes and get angry at me
Ask me if I found him attractive or if I still loved him

If I didn’t want sex he’d either:
Tell me I’ll enjoy it/feel better and force himself on me
Guilt trip me
Or just touch me inappropriately till “I let him”

He’d only come see me when I got sick to have sex with me. If I didn’t go college he’d come over to “spend time with me and make me feel better”
I would be laying down badly able to sit up or would be too exhausted to do anything but cuddle and watch movies, and he would ask me for sex. If I said no he would just force himself upon me as I couldn’t fight back telling me it’ll make me feel better and then get mad when I didn’t moan or respond as I would block out what was happening.
Then he would leave shortly after.

There were times where he forced himself upon me and I didn’t want it but enjoyed it and it makes me feel sick.I hated myself for enjoying it cause I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to have sex I wanted to be left alone.

Ever since the memories have come back I can’t be pleasured or pleasure myself without feeling physically sick afterward or want to cry.
I’ve been shaking so much while writing this ive needed to get it out but at the same time I already wish I never said anything.

I know so many people won’t believe and others will think my ex did nothing wrong. It’s the main reason I haven’t told anyone but my partner and my best friend.

This genuinely makes me want to kill myself more then ever. I was violated so many times and was unable to save myself

heretochat
Posts: 109
Joined: Tue May 19, 2020 4:57 pm
Contact:

Re: Sexual assault and R*pe

Postby heretochat » Sun Apr 11, 2021 11:02 pm

wheezy0409 wrote:⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
WARNING!
PLEASE BE CAREFUL WHILST READING IF YOU HAVE TRAUMA OR HAVE BEEN AFFECTED BY RAPE, SEXUAL ASSULT OR ABUSE!
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️


I’ve been wanting to write about this for a little while as it’s really fucked me up. I should probably see a therapist about it but my family can’t know the must never know.

So I am just gonna say it my ex boyfriend raped and sexually assaulted me, and I only remembered about two months ago. I had repressed the memories and now that I’ve remembered them they have really fucked me up. My ex partner was emotionally abusive and narcissist. He was addicted to sex.
He would touch me inappropriately in college, on the bus, on the streets, in fields, etc. And if I asked him to stop or told him no he’d do one of many things:
Tell me I’m being overly sensitive and continue till I started to push him away
Beg me to let him continue and then sulk
Sulk and guilt trip me
Ignore me/continue and not stop even when I pushed him away
Roll his eyes and get angry at me
Ask me if I found him attractive or if I still loved him

If I didn’t want sex he’d either:
Tell me I’ll enjoy it/feel better and force himself on me
Guilt trip me
Or just touch me inappropriately till “I let him”

He’d only come see me when I got sick to have sex with me. If I didn’t go college he’d come over to “spend time with me and make me feel better”
I would be laying down badly able to sit up or would be too exhausted to do anything but cuddle and watch movies, and he would ask me for sex. If I said no he would just force himself upon me as I couldn’t fight back telling me it’ll make me feel better and then get mad when I didn’t moan or respond as I would block out what was happening.
Then he would leave shortly after.

There were times where he forced himself upon me and I didn’t want it but enjoyed it and it makes me feel sick.I hated myself for enjoying it cause I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to have sex I wanted to be left alone.

Ever since the memories have come back I can’t be pleasured or pleasure myself without feeling physically sick afterward or want to cry.
I’ve been shaking so much while writing this ive needed to get it out but at the same time I already wish I never said anything.

I know so many people won’t believe and others will think my ex did nothing wrong. It’s the main reason I haven’t told anyone but my partner and my best friend.

This genuinely makes me want to kill myself more then ever. I was violated so many times and was unable to save myself


Hi, I don't have all the answers but wanted to reply to your post.

Firstly well done on posting this, must have been very difficult to write out but you continued and posted on here so well done. You've done the right thing in saying what you went through.

These past two months must have been hard to cope with since remembering what happened to you by your ex boyfriend. You should never have had to put up with his emotionally abusive and narcissist behaviour and you should never have had to go through the ordeal of him raping and sexually assaulting you.

You asked him to stop, told him no and even pushed him away. You were doing all the right things and he should have shown a lot more respect and realised that no means no. You shouldn't hate yourself for the way you were feeling at the time, there was nothing wrong in the way you felt/reacted. The only thing that was wrong was him treating you like that.

It's quite recent for you since the memories coming back. Eventually you will be able to move forward from this and the memories won't affect you in such a way.

Glad you have told your partner and best friend. Please don't kill yourself over this or over anything. Yes you were violated so many times but you are saving yourself now and that's a very brave thing to be doing.

wheezy0409
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2020 3:37 am

Re: Sexual assault and R*pe

Postby wheezy0409 » Sun Apr 11, 2021 11:25 pm

heretochat wrote:
wheezy0409 wrote:⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
WARNING!
PLEASE BE CAREFUL WHILST READING IF YOU HAVE TRAUMA OR HAVE BEEN AFFECTED BY RAPE, SEXUAL ASSULT OR ABUSE!
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️


I’ve been wanting to write about this for a little while as it’s really fucked me up. I should probably see a therapist about it but my family can’t know the must never know.

So I am just gonna say it my ex boyfriend raped and sexually assaulted me, and I only remembered about two months ago. I had repressed the memories and now that I’ve remembered them they have really fucked me up. My ex partner was emotionally abusive and narcissist. He was addicted to sex.
He would touch me inappropriately in college, on the bus, on the streets, in fields, etc. And if I asked him to stop or told him no he’d do one of many things:
Tell me I’m being overly sensitive and continue till I started to push him away
Beg me to let him continue and then sulk
Sulk and guilt trip me
Ignore me/continue and not stop even when I pushed him away
Roll his eyes and get angry at me
Ask me if I found him attractive or if I still loved him

If I didn’t want sex he’d either:
Tell me I’ll enjoy it/feel better and force himself on me
Guilt trip me
Or just touch me inappropriately till “I let him”

He’d only come see me when I got sick to have sex with me. If I didn’t go college he’d come over to “spend time with me and make me feel better”
I would be laying down badly able to sit up or would be too exhausted to do anything but cuddle and watch movies, and he would ask me for sex. If I said no he would just force himself upon me as I couldn’t fight back telling me it’ll make me feel better and then get mad when I didn’t moan or respond as I would block out what was happening.
Then he would leave shortly after.

There were times where he forced himself upon me and I didn’t want it but enjoyed it and it makes me feel sick.I hated myself for enjoying it cause I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to have sex I wanted to be left alone.

Ever since the memories have come back I can’t be pleasured or pleasure myself without feeling physically sick afterward or want to cry.
I’ve been shaking so much while writing this ive needed to get it out but at the same time I already wish I never said anything.

I know so many people won’t believe and others will think my ex did nothing wrong. It’s the main reason I haven’t told anyone but my partner and my best friend.

This genuinely makes me want to kill myself more then ever. I was violated so many times and was unable to save myself


Hi, I don't have all the answers but wanted to reply to your post.

Firstly well done on posting this, must have been very difficult to write out but you continued and posted on here so well done. You've done the right thing in saying what you went through.

These past two months must have been hard to cope with since remembering what happened to you by your ex boyfriend. You should never have had to put up with his emotionally abusive and narcissist behaviour and you should never have had to go through the ordeal of him raping and sexually assaulting you.

You asked him to stop, told him no and even pushed him away. You were doing all the right things and he should have shown a lot more respect and realised that no means no. You shouldn't hate yourself for the way you were feeling at the time, there was nothing wrong in the way you felt/reacted. The only thing that was wrong was him treating you like that.

It's quite recent for you since the memories coming back. Eventually you will be able to move forward from this and the memories won't affect you in such a way.

Glad you have told your partner and best friend. Please don't kill yourself over this or over anything. Yes you were violated so many times but you are saving yourself now and that's a very brave thing to be doing.


I really appreciate you putting the time and effort into respond to my post.
I am trying my best to stay strong and try to keep moving forward but having to sleep in the bed I was assaulted and raped in is very difficult I find myself crying a lot. And I am just feeling so broken. I want nothing more in the world to be able to tell my brother but I know he’ll tell my parents and go after him.
I just don’t know what to do anymore

heretochat
Posts: 109
Joined: Tue May 19, 2020 4:57 pm
Contact:

Re: Sexual assault and R*pe

Postby heretochat » Mon Apr 12, 2021 12:08 am

I really appreciate you putting the time and effort into respond to my post.
I am trying my best to stay strong and try to keep moving forward but having to sleep in the bed I was assaulted and raped in is very difficult I find myself crying a lot. And I am just feeling so broken. I want nothing more in the world to be able to tell my brother but I know he’ll tell my parents and go after him.
I just don’t know what to do anymore[/quote]

That took a lot of courage for you to post on here so I wanted to respond to you.
Sorry you are feeling so broken, it's very understandable and it must be difficult having to sleep in the same bed that brings back those awful memories for you.
Keep trying your best to stay strong and keep moving forward, eventually things will get better.
It will help you to be able to speak to people and if you want to tell your brother then you should consider doing so.
Feel free to email me on my email address if you ever want to talk: heretochat@email.com
or reply on here, both are fine with me.
Hope you feel a lot better soon

penguin284
Posts: 14
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 10:49 pm

Re: Sexual assault and R*pe

Postby penguin284 » Sat Apr 17, 2021 12:43 am

Can i just say you are an absolute gem and a true giant for reporting that!!! I know how it feels to report a crime like that and it is definitely not easy!
I have been on STV/ BBC/ ITV news with my story and i want people to talk more about their awful experiences so people will know more what we go through.

penguin284
Posts: 14
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 10:49 pm

Re: Sexual assault and R*pe

Postby penguin284 » Sat Apr 17, 2021 2:06 am

please take our reply
in regards to other men:
oh hell no, that definitely is not a show case of what someone wants to show.
Hell yeah its a pie thAat shoud be full of brillirant girlls whos a maggystodarrstt
whoooooooooo

penguin284
Posts: 14
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 10:49 pm

Re: Sexual assault and R*pe

Postby penguin284 » Sat Apr 17, 2021 2:19 am

r u
u

wheezy0409
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2020 3:37 am

Re: Sexual assault and R*pe

Postby wheezy0409 » Mon Apr 19, 2021 1:40 pm

penguin284 wrote:Can i just say you are an absolute gem and a true giant for reporting that!!! I know how it feels to report a crime like that and it is definitely not easy!
I have been on STV/ BBC/ ITV news with my story and i want people to talk more about their awful experiences so people will know more what we go through.


Thank you you are so brave for reporting it yourself as well. I hope you got justice. I haven’t reported it to any form of authority because I am honestly too scared and it’s been over a year and I don’t want it to be a big thing as I’m dealing with a lot of other stuff at the moment


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