So this will be the first time I have posted here....
I have a long history of anxiety and depression, and since 2019 I've been unable to hold down a job. I got sacked from my former role because of my sicknesses within my probation period, and also not meeting expectations etc.
The reasons for this are complex but revolve around two things:
1. My lack of assertiveness/confidence which is impacted by below;
2. An obsession that I have bad breath (genuinely), which has really wrecked my self-confidence and social confidence as well.
The impact of (2) has really far-reaching consequences, as its effectively prevented me from concentrating in jobs, killed any confidence I did have etc. I have internalised that I am disgusting as a human being.
I'm not sure if (2) is a genuine case, I'm led to believe it is because of my observations of how other people react around me. Pulling faces, touching noses (or masks in these times), sort of keeping distance etc. I experienced all of these things around people pre-covid also.
These obsessions stemmed from a few experiences I did have in the past, and since then I've been unable to get them out of my head. I have certain things I do to minimise my stress and anxieties, but having to work in an office (albeit socially distanced) is difficult.
I think about it more or less all the time, from minute to minute. This has been going on for some time. I've been to both doctors, and dentists only to be dismissed or nothing much is said. Sometimes it does feel like people are too polite to tell me.
It is causing things to build up and I am feeling suicidal as a result of perceived social rejection and isolation. Its sort of compounding into depression too, and I feel so low.
I just started a new job, and this is adding more stress, as whenever I need help or assistance I don't want to address it, because them people will have to be around me.
I don't know what to do anymore....its causing real problems in my life, and making me act differently....