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Please just kill me

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Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2020 3:37 am

Re: Please just kill me

Postby wheezy0409 » Fri Mar 26, 2021 4:10 am

lol76 wrote:I really get what you are saying and I think it's pretty natural considering what you are going through. It is kind of like a self preservation strategy...protecting yourself from any further distress or disappointment. Plus it really means that much to you to find somekind of relief that you darent try that route incase it doesnt work then where do you go? Please forgive me if I'm wrong...

have a pretty common condition called Endometriosis and it took me 8 years of seeing a consultant and trying different meds and procedures in order to stop the severe attacks of pain I used to get. Every 3 months I seemed to end up ringing 999 and being carted off to hosy and pumped full of morphine as it was the only thing to stop the pain. I used to carry a small purse round with me full of different pain killers and oral morphine then as soon as an attack was coming on I would dutifully pop everything with the hope the bad pain wouldnt take over. My attacks ruined holidays, spa break, nights out etc...Weirdly after 8 years and another consultants opinion I had an operation to remove a section of my bowel and it's been like a miracle. Completely cured my pain. But now I'm being encouraged to come off my meds and see if my condition has really gone. I'm petrified to attempt changing anything as it's taken so long to get rid of the pain that I dont want to rock the boat. For now I'm allowed to stay as I am...but who knows what I'll decide in the future. I know it's totally different to your situation and I dont intend to belittle your condition but I can understand why you feel the way you do. I think the main thing for you to do is to really give the support group a fair go. Personally I've always found talking to others who have walked in your shoes is sometimes worth more than doctors and their treatments. Even if the worse case is you walk away with not much at least you will have had the chance to chat to others who at least understand what you are living with...and that might just help you more than you realise right now. Good luck.

You aren’t wrong I do think I’m subconsciously just trying to protect myself because I don’t know what I could do if this didn’t work. It honestly would be the end of the line for me. I’m going to be 20 this year and it will be 13 years of dealing with this and I don’t know how much longer I can continue without results but I’m also scared to try. I feel like I’m being a baby and being stupid. I honestly hate myself and my life as I just don’t know what to do or to trust in anymore...

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