You are a very kind and caring person, despite all the pain you are suffering, you have taken the time to try and support someone else on this forum. You have chosen nursing as a profession, you want to help other people. But the rape is proving to be a barrier; you are finding it hard to be the kind and caring person that you want to be.
You may not feel you are healing, but the more you help other people, the more you will find healing for yourself. Because you have suffered so much, you can recognise the suffering of other people.
Sorry I have to help my wife, but will write back later, you are in my thoughts,