Welcome to the forum. You will find that you are amongst friends here. It is a safe place for you to come to whenever you wish. People here will truly understand how you are feeling. You are not alone.
First and foremost, if you are in danger of harming yourself, please, please ring your Crisis number, or go to A an E.
It is very important that you do nothing to put yourself in danger.
You have said that your head is messed up at the moment; please give yourself time to sort things out. Don't harm yourself. Stay safe.
I am very sorry that you feel so wretched. Being passed from one mental health service to another is always very stressful and I see that you feel there is nothing more that can be done for you. I think many of us, including myself, have felt the same at some time or another. It's also hard being a single Mum, and even more so if you have mental health issues. You must have done really well to get this far. Well done, you. Please don't give up now.
You don't need to express what your thoughts are here. Just saying that you are confused and your head's messed up is enough for us to understand what you mean. I describe it as being in a deep, dark hole when I feel like that, and other people have different ways of describing it. Whatever description we use, we all know what it feels like.
Kaloui, please, please don't stop taking your medication. Doing that will make you feel extremely ill. Your head will get even more messed up and you will feel physically dreadful. When I suddenly stopped taking one of my meds, I felt sick, I couldn't sleep, I had terrible pains, I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't eat, etc, etc, etc. Stopping your meds will not make you feel better and, in my opinion, it won't help you to act on your suicidal thoughts. At the very, very least, it will be like having the worst bout of flu that anyone could possibly imagine. I don't want that for you. Please carry on with taking your meds as prescribed, even if it's just for a while whilst you give yourself time to start feeling a little better.
Please believe me when I tell you that your parents do not want to have you sectioned. It would be extremely painful for them to be put in that position and they would only do it out of desperation and love for you.
The truth is that you can only be sectioned if you are a danger to yourself or to others. Refusing meds might be counted as being a danger to yourself depending on your diagnosis and the reasons why you are prescribed meds. But, as I've explained above, I really do hope that you will continue to take your meds at least for the time being. Feeling suicidal could be counted as being a danger to yourself, and, therefore, you could be sectioned. Please get some help and talk to someone about how you are feeling. That way you may be seen as being less of a danger to yourself and being sectioned will become less likely.
I am so glad that you see your daughter as a 'protecting factor'. That means something which will prevent you from harming yourself. It is wonderful that you understand your daughter's need for you to be with her and I can tell from what you have written that you, in turn, have needs to be with her. Even if Social Services are involved, as I've said above, you must have been making a good job of being a Mother to have got this far. Please don't give up now. You can get help to make things better so that you will be able to continue to care for your little girl.
I do know that Social Services do everything they possibly can not to separate children from their Mothers. I'm afraid I don't know what happens when someone is sectioned and they have a child. The truth is that the mental health teams and social services will only want to do what is best for you and your little girl. Please let them help you without you harming yourself.
Don't put yourself in danger, take your meds., and then people can start to help you unravel the mess in your head.
Please stay safe. Post again when you are able to. I would love to hear from you again and to know how you are getting on.
I care about you and want you to get help to feel better.
Wishing you well,