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Start of a song about how it feel to live with depression and physical pain

Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2020 3:45 am
by wheezy0409
I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place
I’m flipping a coin with two face
I feel like I’m playing a game that’s riged
I feel like there’s no end to this

There’s no sympathy from the world around me
There’s no love to surround me
No one understands
Life doesn’t care about my plans
I’m stuck
I’m stuck

I feel like fighting a losing battle
I feel like I’m a lost cause
I’m tired of waking up
And having to give a fuck
I just really want to give up

There’s no sympathy from the world around me
There’s no love to surround me
No one understands
Life doesn’t care about my plans
I’m stuck
I’m stuck

I feel like my hearts about to break
I feel like there’s nothing left to save
Nothing seems to matter anymore
Everything just hurts more and more
I can’t take it anymore

There’s no sympathy from the world around me
There’s no love to surround me
No one understands
Life doesn’t care about my plans
I’m stuck
I’m stuck

I’m out of luck
I’ve had enough
There’s not escape
From the pain
Only one way
By the time you hear this song itll be too late



This is just a song. The last line is just a dramatic end to the song. It’s how I feel sometimes but I just can’t go through with it. So don’t panic at the last line

Re: Start of a song about how it feel to live with depression and physical pain

Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2020 10:45 am
by solus
Nice one! Writing can be an outlet for the strangest of emotions, but it takes skill to cultivate (why it's interesting I personally believe). I like how you captured things in the first stanza especially

Consider this little piece of advice often thrown around when it comes to writing: "Show, don't tell." Why is this pesky little critter appearing all over the place? Well, it comes from the very human reaction of wanting respect

How do I mean? People don't like being told what to think and feel. They like to hear how things actually are, and to then form their own opinion

This is why poetry and songwriting is a skill. How do you guide someone into being touched and feeling something? A singer might sing in a particular way, or use music to accentuate what they're trying to say. The writer can use contemporary moral or general human nature to gauge how something is going to be perceived. It is a skill, and a tough one at that

Ever read Hemmingway? He's the mastermind when it comes to things like this, so it might be worth checking him out. Anyways, when you use words like "I feel" or talk about things which the reader can understand is true then it works really well. But this flow falters when it's replaced by "There's no love to surround me", since most anyone with experience of a depressed person can see this is not true. Usually, there's someone who cares

I'm not saying this is the case for you (though I do hope so, sincerely), but simply: the core of your song revolves around depression, and so absolute statements like this can come off as heavy-handed. I like it, just know that

Anyways, I hope you have a splendid sleep tonight. That tends to work wonders for the soul. Remember, no screens for thirty minutes before going to bed :P

All the best, Solus

Re: Start of a song about how it feel to live with depression and physical pain

Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2020 7:58 pm
by wheezy0409
solus wrote:Nice one! Writing can be an outlet for the strangest of emotions, but it takes skill to cultivate (why it's interesting I personally believe). I like how you captured things in the first stanza especially

Consider this little piece of advice often thrown around when it comes to writing: "Show, don't tell." Why is this pesky little critter appearing all over the place? Well, it comes from the very human reaction of wanting respect

How do I mean? People don't like being told what to think and feel. They like to hear how things actually are, and to then form their own opinion

This is why poetry and songwriting is a skill. How do you guide someone into being touched and feeling something? A singer might sing in a particular way, or use music to accentuate what they're trying to say. The writer can use contemporary moral or general human nature to gauge how something is going to be perceived. It is a skill, and a tough one at that

Ever read Hemmingway? He's the mastermind when it comes to things like this, so it might be worth checking him out. Anyways, when you use words like "I feel" or talk about things which the reader can understand is true then it works really well. But this flow falters when it's replaced by "There's no love to surround me", since most anyone with experience of a depressed person can see this is not true. Usually, there's someone who cares

I'm not saying this is the case for you (though I do hope so, sincerely), but simply: the core of your song revolves around depression, and so absolute statements like this can come off as heavy-handed. I like it, just know that

Anyways, I hope you have a splendid sleep tonight. That tends to work wonders for the soul. Remember, no screens for thirty minutes before going to bed :P

All the best, Solus


Thank you for the advice. It’s gonna really help cause I didn’t like it fully yet so I’m glad someone could give me feedback on it. I’ll post the new version here at some point. Thanks once again