soas1961 wrote:This is my first post.
My eldest daughter, 33, suffers from anxiety, depression and OCD. She is gay and a couple of weeks ago something happened that has rocked us.
She was alone at home with my youngest daughter’s boyfriend and announced to me a week later that he’d abused her. I struggled to believe this but were told my youngest daughter and her world was shattered.
He took a polygraph test and passed with flitting colours. It’s something happened but it was instigated by my daughter.
She doesn’t know we know this and tomorrow we are letting her know.
My youngest is trying to forgive both of them and needs this to be resolved. I’m so anxious about it that all week I’ve felt sick and had a heavy feeling in my chest. I just don’t know what the outcome is going to be.
The problem is that the eldest won’t speak to anyone about her issues. I even tried to get our Dr round but they wouldn’t come unless she asked and she won’t.
She is drinking too much, not interested in anything, spending all day in bed and not eating properly. I’m worried that she’s starting to gamble again online as she’s always on her phone.
Does anyone know how I can get help for her without her having to ask for it. She has previously tried suicide twice. I just don’t know where to turn.
soas1961 wrote:Thank you for your kind words and your own personal understanding of this.
I actually wrote her a letter explaining things and begging her to talk to someone but not pushing her as she’d only dig her heels in.
It feels like a flaw in the system that a parent cannot refer their child for treatment but it may be because she’s an adult. The GP is very understanding but her hands are tied.
soas1961 wrote:Thank you. With regards to the letter I don’t know how she took it as she wouldn’t read it in front of me and she’s not said anything. My youngest daughter came round last night to discuss the polygraph results but she didn’t want to talk. She also wrote a letter, well it’s on my iPad and we’ve run out of printer paper. Typical! I showed it to her and she said well it did happen to me so that’s a load of rubbish. It’s almost like she’s in denial.
My youngest is really upset and doesn’t know what to do and neither do I to help them both. The eldest hasn’t worked for over two years and I’ve been supporting her as she won’t sign on. Problem now is that the youngest won’t come home and is going to get a place on her own which means that I’m not going to keep paying the rent and bills etc on a three bed house just for the eldest. I’m thinking about saying to her, not yet though, that she’s got to find another place and I’m not supporting her any more. I’ve used half my pension to pay off her debts and also bought her a car. It’s time for me to try and rebuild my pension or savings and I can’t do that while supporting her. Is this too harsh? I feel like I’ve almost been enabling her.
I will pass your email address on to her but I can’t tell her we’ve been in communication because she will get angry. Thank you for all your help.
soas1961 wrote:Thank you so much. I will pass your email on and hopefully she will be in touch.
Take care and look after yourself as well x
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