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Feeling Helpless but frustrated

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Joined: Sun Mar 28, 2021 5:13 pm

Feeling Helpless but frustrated

Postby mum81 » Sun Mar 28, 2021 5:32 pm

Hi, I am new to this but I was just looking to hear from anyone who might have any advice on how to deal with how I am feeling.

I currently live with my boyfriend who has just been diagnosed with clinical depression. It’s something he had dealt with before meeting me and had worked through a lot over the 9 years we have been together. However on the back of lockdown he seems to have dropped right back to square one again with him becoming a hermit who just wants to close himself off. He’s choosing to either sleep and hid away from the family in the bedroom and just won’t talk to me. The main issue is that because he won’t talk he is letting things build up and when he shuts himself away he is dwelling on things so when he does come out and spend time with us he is in a bad mood and extremely irritable. I find myself not knowing what to say in case he takes it the wrong way as he just isn’t seeing things clearly right now and thinks the world is out to get him.

He’s just started medication but it makes him drowsy and the situation just becomes worse.

I don’t know what to do as I am finding myself split between just wanted to be supportive but at the same time I am getting increasingly frustrated as I am doing everything. We have three kids and one is a very needy one year old how just wants my attention all the time so I am finding it hard to even get things done round the house because she has a tantrum when I ignore her. I feel like I am getting so stressed and overwhelmed myself and just want to shout at him that doing what he is doing isn’t helping anyone least of all himself but I also know it won’t make the blindness of a different because of the way he feels.

Any advice on what I can do would be grateful appreciated as I don’t have much of a support network myself. My parents are really old school and just don’t get depression and how it can be so consuming they are just of that old school believe that you just get on with things so I can’t even talk to them.

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Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2020 10:36 pm

Re: Feeling Helpless but frustrated

Postby lol76 » Sun Mar 28, 2021 11:47 pm

Im so sorry, it sounds like you have your hands full at the moment and you are right you too need support aswell. It must be so hard for you juggling children, the home and your sick partner. Sadly, as you well know your partner isn't able to help you at the moment as he sounds very poorly. Speaking from experience of living with severe depression I can only try to explain to you how horrendeous and debilitating depression can be. Please forgive me if I am telling you what you already know but I know how hard it is to even open your eyes and step out of bed when in the throes of a depressive episode...its a living hell. I'm normally a social person and cant sit still but when Im suffering really bad I just withdraw and go into a hole. Getting dressed is an achievement on a bad day. A counsellor once said to me it wasnt my fault it was symptoms of the illness in the same way if somebody had a physical illness there would be limitations as to what I could do. Anyway sorry I'm digressing again....

I'm glad he is taking medication as that shows he is acknowledging his illness. Hopefully, if they start to work a little it might get him to the place where he is stable enough to start therapy. I know how frustrating and awful it is but sadly with this illness it really can feel like a slow process. It is good that he has overcome it in the past and I'm sure with the right help and support.he will come through this again. This last year has kick started alot of peoples problems with mental health and brought things back to the surface so he certainly isnt alone with how he is feeling.

However, there is only so much you can do and like you so rightly said you too need support. Please dont feel it is your job to fix him because it's not. The most he deserves from you is your love and support while he gets better but you also need to find things that are going to help you. Are you able to confide in friends and off load how you are feeling? You say your parents are no support, what about his family or friends? If he isnt ready for counselling theres no reason why you couldnt go just for yourself. Read up on the MIND website or Sane website for info on how best to support your partner and look after yourself. Maybe there are some online support forums for family and friends of carers? I'm sorry I wish I had the answer for you but please know you are not alone. When I was particularly bad my parents used to worry themselves sick and just didnt know how to help me then one day I said to my mum that it was enough just to know she supported me and didnt judge me. The rest of the stuff I saved for therapy and over time I have got to a much better place. I really wish you both luck as it's a horrible illness and can have just as much an effect on family aswell as the person. I hope you find some support for yourself soon.

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