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My husband says he's suicidal but won't get help

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honey831
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2021 7:40 pm

My husband says he's suicidal but won't get help

Postby honey831 » Sun Mar 14, 2021 7:56 pm

Hi all,

I have been with my husband for 16 years but the last 3 he has developed a gambling problem which is really bad anyway he doesn't treat me very nice and the other night I decided I had had enough. Basically I told him I wanted to leave and he broke down which he has never done before and said for the last 3 years every day he wants to kill himself but doesn't because of our little boy. I have begged him to go see somebody but he says he won't because he saw 2 councilors about gambling and they didn't work and won't go to see a doctor because they will put him on medication and then he won't be able to work. I would like to point out his brother killed himself so he's not just saying it to stop me leaving. I don't know what to do I can't sleep I feel like everytime he's not in the room he is going to hurt himself I feel sick with worry. What can I do he says he felt like this for 3 years so I can't call a crisis helpline because I have no proof he is going to do something he has no friends or close family.

Thanks

roseyj
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2021 6:19 pm

Re: My husband says he's suicidal but won't get help

Postby roseyj » Mon Mar 15, 2021 6:36 pm

Hi

I did not want to read you post and not respond. Gosh, it sounds like your having a devastating and difficult time. I guess your right that you cannot force him to get help. But understandably its having a massive impact on you and I wondered what support you are getting? Is there anyone you can reach out to?

Its good that he has shared with you how he is feeling. That after three years he can let you know how desperate his mental health has been. That is I think a big step.

How are things now?

lol76
Posts: 265
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2020 10:36 pm

Re: My husband says he's suicidal but won't get help

Postby lol76 » Tue Mar 16, 2021 12:33 am

Hi

I really feel for you both. You must be so worried and scared. Your husband is obviously not well and he really does need some help. Can you imagine living with that feeling for 3 years but keeping it quiet from those closest to you? It must be a living hell for him. Ive had an awful 3 years too with major depression and suicidal thoughts but with lots of help Im starting to feel so muçh better. Ive done it with loads of help and support so I dont know how he is managing to get through all this by himself. I really do feel for him. I started off with my GP, sadly I also ended up contacting the crisis team at a very hard spot and now I talk to a therapist. I am taking meds and it can take a while to find the right ones but its worth doing. Please tell your husband he is far from alone in how he feels and it is common for men to hide it but he doesnt need to..he is allowed to seek help and admit how he really feels. I wonder if he would consider looking at the 'calmzone' website? It particularly focuses on supporting men living with depression. Maybe if he could relate to some of it he might start to think about getting himself the help he needs. If he had a broken leg or a burst appendix he would get help...his mind is no different, Im guessing the suicide of his brother will have had a massive impact on him aswell. Ask him to think about your little boy and would he want him to suffer the same in silence when he gets older? This is his chance to show him that its okay to feel vulnerable and reach out for help. I really hope things get better for you both and he finds something that helps him, even if its just an online forum, Samaritans or even just opening more to you....I wish you both well xx

ericph
Posts: 56
Joined: Sun Jun 07, 2020 10:57 pm

Re: My husband says he's suicidal but won't get help

Postby ericph » Wed Mar 17, 2021 6:28 pm

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. when you say he is not very nice; it sounds as if he is more angry with himself and not with you. Possibly he has got into debt and can't tell you about it.

A friend with a similar problem of a lifetime's gambling said; he had to hand over all finances to his wife. He could not trust himself with money or bank cards. If he needed a couple of pounds for work, she would only give him two pounds. He handed his phone over and just got a phone with no internet and had no access to a computer at home without his wife being there. He banned himself from all the local bookies. You just have to go and say you have a gambling problem, please ban me, and they will.

This was eight years ago, and he says he is a changed man, who still has the urge to gamble, but knows he can't do even one bet.

I hope you find a way forwards with your husband. You could try giving your husband similar terms, if he wants to stay with you.

Please ignore if you feel this is not for you, but it seemed to work with my friend because he was rock bottom with nowhere else to go.

honey831
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2021 7:40 pm

Re: My husband says he's suicidal but won't get help

Postby honey831 » Sun Mar 21, 2021 9:03 pm

Thank you so much for your comments. I actually had 2 panic attacks last week and decided enough was enough I have called the doctors as I am obviously struggling as well and they are calling me back next week. I have also got a councilor for myself. I've also got him to sign up to a doctors telling him if he wants a covid jab he needs to be registered which is true but also means I can call them if I think things are getting out of hand. I really appreciate you guys taking the time to write back to me and also I found the comment of asking him what he would do if it was our son really helpful. Wish me luck x


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