So yesterday I received a letter from the Autism Assessment unit, thank you for the information, blah blah blah. "The information you submitted is not reflective of autism."
It goes on to say that this is not definitive but because I've had a history of mental health issues they recommend assessment by "other professionals". And they have the cheek to say "Should they consider autism is a possibility we will revisit undertaking a full autism assessment".
Sorry, but what? Basically I've just been fobbed off back to psychiatric services (more on that in a bit) and if they turn round and say it's autism, then they'll assess me?
Anyway, psychiatric services are a joke too. I've already been through their assessment (back in 2018), and because I was able to manage my depression, as well as other odd factors, I didn't score highly enough to warrant any assessment for longer term treatment.
It's taken two years to get this out of our assessment service - I started back in 2019 and it was pretty much a last resort for me. I can't afford private stuff and just feel like I'm being bounced around different departments with a "not doing anything with that" attitude. I'm tired of it. Tired of fighting, having to figure all this stuff out by myself because I don't have people who either understand or who have gone through this process.
There's part of me that just wants to know what's going on in my messed up head, that I'm not imagining things, that I can point to something and then I can move forward with managing it. I've already made changes to my life with regards to autism and management, from the weighted blankets, "my" own favourite cutlery etc, my work schedule is on a board to help manage my time better. All these things I've done to manage as a possible autistic - as well as noting it all for the autism assessment service and yet I still received a letter saying none of it fitted their criteria?
I'll of course be in touch with my GP - he's been super with all of this, keeping things rolling, pushing on my behalf. I don't know what his reaction will be - but he certainly knows what I've been through, dealing with my breakdown last year and helping me with some good medication.
I've got no mental or emotional energy for anything else today and I’ve slipped completely downhill mentally. Not even my meds are helping with this episode. All because of that stupid letter.
Anyway, that's an update of my mental health right now. Metaphorically being stamped on.