So lovely to hear from you too.
I wasn't sure if I'd hear back as I know it had been a while between messages.
Whoa. I was shocked to hear about your current situation.
Her behaviour is unacceptable and I'm so sorry to hear that you have had such trauma, violence and aggression inflicted upon you. Please know that you are fully within your right to report her abuse to the police now. Please, please do not wait until "the next time".
I was, however, relieved to hear that you have some great support around you. Don't worry about your parents knowing about your relationship. They're your parents who love, accept and support you. <3 Could they be with you when you next broach the subject of finances? Or someone from the cmht or your GP friend? Could you talk about this matter in a public place, like a quieter café, rather than enclosed at home?
It's a start that you've both cleared the air and decided to part ways. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be living in the same house after making this decision. You are an incredibly strong and resilient person.
How's work? Are you back in the office now or still working from home? Do you have the same manager or has she since moved on to a new job?
How's it going with the psychologist and your medication? Any updates on the treatment for your physical health? If I remember correctly, you were awaiting treatment for your hip? And is your shoulder feeling better?
How is your father's health? I remember you saying his health was suffering.
So I'm about a 50-minute drive from my mum which is 1-2 hours on public transport for me. My mum approves. She's just concerned about the low mood. I'm about a 25-minute walk from work. It's the same on public transport so I just walk.
So I did something I'm not particularly proud of this morning. I suspected my partner's mother didn't like me so sneaked a peak at his messages. I saw one saying "Em got nasty with me tonight, but it was a misunderstanding"(true, I was bitchy to him), to which she replied "you should call it a day". He said "we're okay now" and she replied "for now".
It confirmed my suspicions. I've already said to him that I'd understand if he didn't want to be with someone because of their issues. He doesn't seem to be in the same mindset as his mother. Stupid bitch.
I'm bothered by it but obviously can't talk to him about it! He's taking my depression personally and thinking that I'm unhappy in our relationship and bored of him which I've assured him isn't true. I just hope I don't lose him because he's very close to his mother and follows what she says.
Yesterday, I didn't bother turning in for work. Told them I quit. Spent the day sleeping and crying. Felt worse than I have in a while. Then my boss messaged me and I've agreed to go back on less hours. Due in tomorrow.
I don't plan on going further into anorexia. It leads nowhere. I was discharged today from the cmht but will be for three years entitled to a faster assessment from the services when I self refer in my new locality.
Hopefully the reduced hours will give me more energy to do things in my free time. I just hope that the depression doesn't deteriorate but hopefully the changes I'm making will keep it at bay or even lift the mood.
Take care of yourself. Much love to you. X