I'm alright, thanks. A bit grumpy if I'm honest. Sick to the back frickin' teeth of corona.
It's the bullshitting false hope and the looming threat
of restrictions that bothers me.
The "we might
instil new restriction rules", "If
things don't improve, we may
have a lockdown", and my personal favourite: "we'll update next week
(Why 'next week
'? Stop giving selfish people a chance to turn things around. They're not going to. Instead, they're going to take advantage of what they can
do before things inevitably
close down again.)
How about you?
The new job is going well thanks. More than anything, I'm just glad to have the security of four contracted days. Anything extra is a bonus. I feel "ugh!" before the shift starts and can't wait for it to end even though I don't want to go home, but I think I'd be the same (or worse) in any job. It's the best of the bunch for me and I'm settled, so I can't complain.
they couldn’t recommend anything more than what we’re already doing.
Okay, I'm going to put a positive spin on this. When working from home feels tough and negative thoughts about work arise, repeat this almost like a mantra to reassure and commend yourself:
"I am doing everything I can to make this as manageable as it can be".
By continuing to work, you are choosing what will mentally be better for you personally. I was off work some years ago for 18 months. (despite my efforts and endless job-hopping to remain in work). I know how damn hard it is to lift yourself out of depression and go to work, let alone do the work! There were many times when I couldn't lift myself out of the depression (and that's okay as we all struggle in different ways) but by doing so, you really are showing a steel core of strength, self-motivation, resilience, determination, courage and commitment! You should be proud of yourself. I am proud of you.
Yay! I'm glad your manager is staying put.
I'm glad the propranolol has helped a bit. How is the new medication and the increase of trazadone? I hope the medication will take effect soon. Ever tried mindfulness?
It's positive that you are starting with the psychologist soon, too. Will that be in person or virtually? How regularly will you be meeting? Is it for counselling/psychotherapy?
Great that you're committing to RTT. I hope this helps. Ever tried listening to hypnosis soundtracks/positive affirmations overnight?
That's great that you had a lovely time with your GP friend. Hopefully you can make this a fairly regular catch up.
Aww! That is fantastic news that you are having your niece to stay on the 23rd.
I'm working Christmas Eve so my partner will come to me in the evening. He's never been to church before so (whilst it will be different than usual) we'll go to the service. Christmas Day I'm also working and will get a taxi (extravagant, I know
) to my partners. I'll come back Boxing Day evening and spend it with my brother, sister in law and their three children. After work the following day, we'll be joined by (all at a safe distance, of course) my other brother, sister in law and their two children. Then we'll be locked down from the 28th no doubt.
I'm sorry to hear things don't feel the same. I know what you mean. Let's hope some normality will return in 2021.
emotions get tangled up with his ‘urges’ and then he reacts in a pushy/insensitive way
This was a very good point. Thank you. You're quite right, there.
I don't know if he is trying to lose weight. The anorexic mindset is 100% convinced that he has lost an incredible amount of weight, that he is way thinner than I could ever be, and that he is continuing to lose weight.
He doesn't eat much, though. When he's around me, he only eats when I eat and he'll only eat the same as me. It's kind of annoying.
I think this is more to do with him being clingy etc.
Maybe a bit too much at times??
Yes, maybe indeed! Haha! He's had no paternal input (his dad's an ass) and at times his mother can be a real cow to him. He's had some issues in his family (who hasn't?) so I get the sensitive thing.
He sounds a bit impulsive when he wants to get his own way?
Hm. Yeah. I think he has a nasty side to him. At times he can be (excuse the expression but this word captures the feeling exactly
) a real dick
. Snarky comments, insinuating insult, but followed with a reasonable explanation that causes me to look the one 'on the defensive'.
I think people in general make such comments when they have a related insecurity themselves.
He has a temper. He was shouting and swearing at his dog for making a mess on his kitchen floor last week. Perfectly understandable. Didn't bother me one jot. In fact, I was glad to see a natural human 'flaw' (if you could even call it that?) in him. I'm very into "feel how you feel" and it was actually a good thing for me to see that actually he's not 'perfect'. He did say afterwards he was sorry and hoped he didn't scare me. (He knows I hate anger). I said no need to be sorry and that I certainly wasn't scared.
He said he'd never get angry with me. Internally, I rolled my eyes and made a joke that I'd never pee on the kitchen floor!
We had another lovely weekend together. He's currently self-isolating due to a colleague testing positive. Thankfully, he only has two days left. Not seeing him has pulled down my mood.
My mum and dad are well, thanks. Naturally stressed about the whole pandemic thing like the majority of the world right now. My mother's moods encompass menopause, pms and a really shit day rolled into one and multiplied. We've been babysitting this weekend which has (despite my anxiety of it being exhausting, overwhelming and of me being unable to cope), I think I've done a pretty good job reprising my role of Aunty Em. My mum even said she couldn't have done today without me. The night before she said she couldn't cope with my negativity and that I'm selfish and think I'm the only one affected by coronavirus. They talk often about the virus. It's draining. My partner also talks a lot
about it. There are otherl
topics of conversation, people!
I saw my brother briefly today. First time since the summer. It felt so good to see someone different and talk about something different. I do feel lonely at times. It's hard enough meeting people in my quiet little town anyways before the restrictions. I have come to realise I need to make more time for family. I know that's hard now but I know I ought to connect more with them even though it's just virtually. I, like everyone else, miss that family interaction.
How are your parents and your sister?
Wow! Last February! Likewise, you are a treasured e-friend too!
Hope you're okay. I'm sorry this post has been a bit of a bum note one.
Take care of yourself. Love and hugs!