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I am giving up...

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zaffi20
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2021 8:23 pm

I am giving up...

Postby zaffi20 » Mon May 10, 2021 2:07 pm

Hi i am new here.

7/8 years ago i was sooo down that i wanted to die however cutting myself helped alot by getting rid of the frustration. Then i realized that my kids would have no one as their dad is strict so they cant really open up to him. I wanted to see them grow up. However recently i started my anti depressants not high jst sumthing to help me cope. But these past 3 weeks i have been feeling crap. Huby is being a dick saying tidy up tidy up tidy up... u havnt cooked i work all day n its hard on empty stomach n etc and then what did u cook cant even eat it... yes i am failing at simple wifely duty... it really is my fault my house if filthy cause i cant get myself to do anything... but i am trying little by little but insread of encouragment his like cant live like this i will complain to your family... my family already getting hints by his attotude and comments he makes... i went 2 my dads and thought ill jave dinner and spend time with my niece but my dad for the 1st time asked me if i cooked which i did... then he told me to eat and leave n go to my own house and do wateva cook or clean and that his dissapointed in me. Even today my dad had a go at me saying i jeed to sort myself out b4 i ruin my life.. i dont know how only option is leaving everthing... now i jst want to die and gi e piece to every1... they would cry for abit and then they would be ok.

I am a failure and dirt and filthy and i jate myself.... i know if i sort myself out then everything would be ok... but its tooo hard.

heretochat
Posts: 109
Joined: Tue May 19, 2020 4:57 pm
Contact:

Re: I am giving up...

Postby heretochat » Mon May 10, 2021 8:08 pm

zaffi20 wrote:Hi i am new here.

7/8 years ago i was sooo down that i wanted to die however cutting myself helped alot by getting rid of the frustration. Then i realized that my kids would have no one as their dad is strict so they cant really open up to him. I wanted to see them grow up. However recently i started my anti depressants not high jst sumthing to help me cope. But these past 3 weeks i have been feeling crap. Huby is being a dick saying tidy up tidy up tidy up... u havnt cooked i work all day n its hard on empty stomach n etc and then what did u cook cant even eat it... yes i am failing at simple wifely duty... it really is my fault my house if filthy cause i cant get myself to do anything... but i am trying little by little but insread of encouragment his like cant live like this i will complain to your family... my family already getting hints by his attotude and comments he makes... i went 2 my dads and thought ill jave dinner and spend time with my niece but my dad for the 1st time asked me if i cooked which i did... then he told me to eat and leave n go to my own house and do wateva cook or clean and that his dissapointed in me. Even today my dad had a go at me saying i jeed to sort myself out b4 i ruin my life.. i dont know how only option is leaving everthing... now i jst want to die and gi e piece to every1... they would cry for abit and then they would be ok.

I am a failure and dirt and filthy and i jate myself.... i know if i sort myself out then everything would be ok... but its tooo hard.


Hi zaffi20

Welcome to the site. Sorry about what you are going through. 7/8 years ago your kids needed you and that still stands today, your kids still need you. When did you start the anti depressants? You can't be responsible for how your partner behaves. You are trying little by little and you need to keep trying and keep going for your kids and for yourself. You say "they would cry for abit and then they would be ok." this is not true, if you were to die then they would not be ok.

You shouldn't be putting yourself down like this. Keep trying little by little and everything will be ok

ang03
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Apr 17, 2021 6:15 pm

Re: I am giving up...

Postby ang03 » Tue May 11, 2021 3:25 am

Literally divorce the dude? It doesn't matter if you love him or if you have kids together, it is not your duty to cook and clean for him? He's a grown ass man that can take care of himself, you are only setting an example for your kids that it is okay if they get treated like shit, trust me I've been there, I've grown up in a toxic environment where the woman is put to blame for everything and that she should just cope with it and it made me stay in a two year abusive relationship because I thought it was ok. Your kids will live much better in a mentally stable household than in a typical what society wants us to believe is normal. Get divorced and work on taking care of YOURSELF, you aren't a house maid or his mum or dad to clean up stuff and give your children an example (because we don't listen we only are able to learn what we see) of when they should put an end to toxic stuff.

lol76
Posts: 265
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2020 10:36 pm

Re: I am giving up...

Postby lol76 » Tue May 11, 2021 10:28 pm

I agree with everything that has been said. I think you sound amazing to be looking after 3 children and putting up with your horrible husband. You are obviously feeling depressed and not yourself at the moment and so many of us can relate to how you are feeling. My motivation is terrible at the moment and I truly understand how hard it is to do things when you feel like this. You are not a slave or a cleaner and you deserve some support. You are obviously not going to get it from the uncaring men in your life so reach out to your GP, counsellor, friends or even just keep posting on here. Look after yourself as best you can for your childrens sake and for you. Xxx


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