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Hi, I’m new here and think I’m bipolar.

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betelgeuse
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2021 6:25 pm

Hi, I’m new here and think I’m bipolar.

Postby betelgeuse » Mon Mar 01, 2021 8:38 pm

Hi,

I’ve had a really terrible week and have been having moments where it feels like a wave of despair washes over me. They seem to come from nowhere. I have periods of intense creativity followed by these crashes where I feel so down, guilt ridden and despondent about the future.

I’m 42 and have had problems my whole life. I didn’t have a happy home life growing up and ended up in rehab for drug addiction in my late twenties. I’ve been clean ever since and have no thoughts of using again or suicide as I have two kids whom I love dearly. I’ve had mental ups and downs for as long as I can remember really. I am married, but there is no real warmth or happiness in the relationship. It’s not the relationship that I had hoped for, but I don’t want to end it as I have a well paid job and I would have to either give it up to look after the kids or lose the kids to my other half. Neither prospect would be good.

I mistakenly claimed child benefit, but have to pay it back as I earn over the limit and that is looming large in the back of my mind. I keep putting off logging on to the tax site to sort it all out. I know that I should, but I just fear them saying that I’ll have to pay it off in one go immediately rather than instalments. It seems stupid, but I just keep sticking my head in the sand about it.

I do a lot of artwork in my spare time and I bury myself in that on my days off followed by these crashes of depression. I’ve had a look online and I tick a lot of the boxes for bipolar. I’d really like to see a therapist, but I don’t want to be on meds as I’ve seen a lot of lives ruined by them. I’m going to contact my GP tomorrow to see what she says.

I am not close to anyone in my family and I have no friends so I feel so lonely and have nobody to talk to so this post is a bit of a release for me.

Thank you for reading. Stay safe.

monmonka
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2021 7:29 pm

Re: Hi, I’m new here and think I’m bipolar.

Postby monmonka » Wed Mar 10, 2021 7:51 pm

Hi,

I liked reading your post. Don't worry about the tax, I'm sure you will be able to sort it out.They will be more willing to listen now when so many people struggle due to pandemic.

I hope your GP appointment went well.

What kind of artwork do you do?

betelgeuse
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2021 6:25 pm

Re: Hi, I’m new here and think I’m bipolar.

Postby betelgeuse » Fri Mar 12, 2021 10:14 am

Hi,

Thanks for replying and I hope the tax thing will work out. I keep putting off contacting them, but I will try and do it this week. I’ve got a telephone appointment with the GP in half an hour so hopefully it’ll go well. Thank you for asking. My artwork is drawing, sculpting and miniature painting. The latter is also an expensive hobby so that tends to be where I do my excessive and obsessive spending too.

lilylou
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 10:15 pm

Re: Hi, I’m new here and think I’m bipolar.

Postby lilylou » Mon Apr 12, 2021 10:34 pm

Hi I’ve just joined today and read your post. I feel very similar to you but had wondered if I was adhd (they have similar crashes). I’m very creative but I become very focussed and dont like to be distracted or I can crash for weeks and barely want to leave the sofa. How have your gp appointments gone? I’ve paid private to have an assessment because I’ve seen gp’s repeatedly and I’m told I have depression and anxiety. I e been on meds now for 20yeas and nothing helps.


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