Not my usual cup of tea posting this stuff online. But irl lately has just been shit and the only response i seem to get from family is dont be a lazy shit and try harder. So i am 32 year old long term unemployed individual who is single and not very sociable. I am into board gaming and stuff but dont go out to play it due to the fact i was bullied in school all throughout secondary as such my social skills suck. Basically developed the whole dont trust anyone attitude, which may have spared me from some pain but has made things like relationships , and friendship impossible i suppose. Anyway reason im posting is just recent events. Trying to get of the benefit train and into work. So did a test shift with security company and due to my neighbour having a domestic all night i ended falling asleep on shift and even asked if it was okay. Anyway client walked and i was told that was my first and last shift(basically i was shafted to please the client even thought i was given the okay to get an hours kip) so fuck it, as that was probably the only nipple i would get at work as the only experience on my cv is academic think im just about at the end of the whole i give a fuck about my life . Does not mean im going to harm myself its just getting to the point where i sincerely starting to contemplate why im breathing and what use my life has. Well the only positive in my life is that the epilepsy has improved to the point where i can drive, but i cant afford the insurance on a car so getting a scooter but that its . Everything else just feels like shit. I am on a host drugs for various medical conditions but on mirtazapine for sleep and mood. Mostly it helps with me getting a nights sleep instead of laying there feeling like a fucking failure in life . Fucked if i know what to do now . Tried CBT in the past and group therapy sessions, but right now feel very low .