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my boyfriend has different values to me

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...

should i consider a break up?

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my boyfriend has different values to me

Postby makemehappy » Sat Feb 20, 2021 2:29 pm

i could use your help and advice guys, this is the first time I have used the SANE forum...

my boyfriend and i started dating 2 years ago which my parents were very strictly against. since then we have remained together and continued to meet up in secret. i hope to spend my future with him but i'm not sure if the reason i want to spend my future with him is because i believe he is 'the one' or whether i don't want 2 years to go to waste, particularly as i have fought for our love against my parents.

more and more i am started to doubt whether he is someone i want to spend my life with. personally, i am a vegetarian along with my close and extended family, whilst he is a meat-eater and often eats meat in front of me and talks about meat around me, whilst knowing that it makes me uncomfortable. I very strongly value education whilst he slacks off at school and achieves very low grades without really caring to improve, which is something i have spoken to him about before. i am also part of a religious family background whilst he comes from nothing of the sort, despite being the same ethnicity as me. His family also drink and encourage their children to drink until drunk whilst mine are strongly opposed to drinking.
as you can see, there are a lot of differences between us and i know that he is someone who is not willing to change or give up on any of these things for me.

I worry that when our families meet, they will clash and i will be looked down upon for choosing someone who doesn't share the same values and morals as my family.

i need your advice on what i should do as i have tried discussing these things with him before but i can't seem to get anywhere productive in the conversation. I want to stay with him, i just want my family to accept him and for some kind of compromise between the two of us to be reached so that i can feel a little more comfortable about this issue.

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Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2021 6:48 am

Re: my boyfriend has different values to me

Postby ggems » Mon Apr 12, 2021 7:27 am

Hi, your boyfriend sounds very different from you but if you're willing to accept that and put up with his behaviour because you love him then you have to talk to your family about how you feel. I can see their point of view because he doesn't sound very supportive but if you love him you can try and make it work. Will he compromise with you and respect your beliefs and lifestyle? If not, you have to ask yourself would you really be happy with this person in the long run? I've had a lot of problems as well with my current partner as well. I became very ill about 4 months ago and I've spent most of that time in bed. During this time my partner cared for me, but I found out 2 days agof after I came out of hospital that he had been having an online relationship with a woman for months. I got very upset as he was talking to her during my stay in hospital. When I came out of hospital I checked his playstation and there were more messages online to other girl and he was flirting with them. Most people would say get rid of him but now I'm pregnant with his child. I just don't know what to do anymore.

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