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Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
guyincognito
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri May 14, 2021 2:52 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby guyincognito » Fri May 14, 2021 2:59 pm

Okay... so I guess I'm coming at this from a slightly different angle but I'd value your input. See... I'm a guy that sometimes watches movies with nudity. And I'm not going to lie... sometimes I seek this content out because I simply want to see it for my own sexual enjoyment. I know that sounds terrible... but I sometimes seek out movies with nudity in the same way that many men seek out porn (I don't like extremely graphic pornography... I never have).

Anyway, I admit all that. I wanted to be up front about all of that from the start... but please know that I am in no way disregarding anyone's feelings here... and my wife is in all likelihood, right there with you guys. This may be a longtime phobia she has dealt with. She hates nudity in movies and she can get very angry at the thought of actresses taking off their clothes. She sees it as "fake" and she can get very upset that I would enjoy such fake Hollywood women. But here's the thing... it wasn't always like this for us. For years and years, I looked away or closed my eyes if a woman on TV wore a bra or bikini or anything like that... and we NEVER watched anything with nudity. I'm sure many of you wish your significant others would do that for you... and maybe that is a decent and honorable thing, but also know that it can become an almost unhealthy obsession... especially if the guy is like me and wrestles with OCD.

For me, it got to the point where I was terrified to even look at another woman, worried I'd think she was attractive. It became a big fear for me. I didn't willingly look at a nude woman (other than my wife) for over a decade. I didn't watch PG-13 movies that I really wanted to see, because I knew there were sexual scenes in them... sometimes no nudity at all, but I was worried. Most R-rated movies weren't even on the table... even if it was one I really wanted to see. But I accepted this and felt like I was okay with it... though I suspect I was suppressing some resentment about it.

I tried to be, what I now call, "the good little boy"... because that's what it felt like... like I was trying to be "perfect" for her... because I knew my wife really struggled with this. And I might have even been able to deal with sacrificing those TV shows and movies and all of that, and even the anxiety and fear that it caused me, if there wasn't one other big problem. You see... for the better part of two decades, I have been in a sexless marriage. We do have sex, occasionally, but only if I initiate and for years, sex barely happened at all. This has destroyed my self-esteem. I began to think I wasn't good enough or attractive enough for my wife or anyone else... that she didn't want me at all, or that she didn't even love me. I can't even count the number of nights I laid next to her in bed and yet I felt so alone. I began to gain weight... which has been a struggle for me throughout our marriage... my mental and emotional health got worse and worse. I struggled with paranoia. At times, I was even suicidal, though thankfully I'm no longer in that state-of-mind.

For several years, I was able to cope with these feelings by pouring everything into my work... finding fulfillment through my career... but recently... when we went into quarantine last year... these feelings started to come out. Once we were together 24/7, things just boiled over in me and I really started to feel resentment toward her. I started struggling with intense feelings of hurt and grief for lost years of our sex life... and silly as this may sound, I REALLY began to resent all the years I spent not watching movies or TV shows for her... and then sometime last year, I just started watching them. I felt like I didn't know why I was sacrificing anymore... and I started watching things I wouldn't have before... but it was almost like too much, too fast for me. Like a switch tripped in my brain and once I saw naked women on screen, it was all I wanted. Maybe I'm addicted, or maybe I was just starved. Or maybe it's just my guilt... I've always struggled with guilt. So, I've been wrestling with this.

Sometimes I go weeks without looking at such images... without watching movies with nudity... but then I start to get frustrated again. I have talked to my wife about it a LOT over the past year. She knows and understands my frustration. She is on a journey of self-discovery herself and suspects that she is on the Autism spectrum... maybe Asperger's, and that has likely made communication difficult for us. Also, I have my own emotional baggage going back to my childhood. There is a lot of stuff that we've just never dealt with, together or individually. For years, I tried to share my sexual frustration with my wife, but she wasn't open to talking about it. She is now, but in some ways... I'm sad to say, I've almost lost interest. That breaks my heart, because I wanted her more than anything for years... but after so much rejection, I just kind of gave up. Now that she's ready to try, it's harder for me.

I think that we both likely need therapy... maybe couples counseling at some point, or a sex therapist... yet in the meantime, I still find myself sexually frustrated and it's not easy to avoid temptation. I'm not even sure it's wrong at this point, which is a strange thing to admit... my wife and I are both longtime Christians... but this, on top of many other things, has really shattered my faith.

And so yes... sometimes I watch movies like that... am I proud of it? Well, no... I mean, it doesn't make me feel good about myself... but neither has the rejection I've felt all these years. And the fear that I'd hurt her all those years almost drove me crazy with guilt and anxiety. So, I can't speak for the men in your life... I can only speak for myself... but just know it's possible that some of these guys are just as damaged as you are and are seeking out porn or nudity because of their own low self-esteem or insecurities. It doesn't mean they don't love you. I'm not defending the men who say cruel things to you... and again, I'm not disregarding anyone's feelings. I just know that this is true in my case... that I am emotionally damaged, hurt and frustrated and that seeing such images does something for my shattered self-esteem... even if just for a moment. I'm not saying it's right or defending it at all... I'm not here to argue that with any of you. Just know that sometimes, there is a lot more going on under the surface.

krystal
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2021 8:53 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby krystal » Sat Jul 10, 2021 8:57 am

Hey, I emailed yesterday to see if I can join you girls. I’ve been going through the same thing since becoming pregnant, my baby is now 10mths and am still struggling. I’d love to join your Facebook group. You all describe exactly how I feel!

yeahsophia
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2021 4:45 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby yeahsophia » Wed Jul 14, 2021 4:55 am

I'm right there with the rest of you. I found this by Googling because I felt alone in my thinking. I agree with a lot of you that have stated that if naked men were shoved in their faces in movies, video games and music then maybe they'd start understanding better. I truly don't want to care but do some reason I do and I can't shake it. This is honestly the first relationship where I have cared about it, which is bizarre because in all others I didn't care at all or even care about their "celebrity crushes". Just the thought of my husband looking at another naked body that isn't mine, or having any potential small amount of "lust" for someone else makes me furious and sick to my stomach...

beatricemom
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2021 3:40 pm

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby beatricemom » Thu Jul 22, 2021 8:33 am

I didn't think there was such a phobia. I myself do not like many candid moments in films, because they were filmed "tasteless". Although in some films (for example, in "Gone in 60 Seconds") intimate scenes are very aesthetic. Therefore, when my husband wants to watch something frank, or some kind of action or horror movie, I retire and watch what I like. [Edited by moderator to remove link]
Last edited by ModeratingTeam on Fri Jul 23, 2021 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Edited by moderator to remove URL

lucky27
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2021 8:36 am

Re: Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

Postby lucky27 » Mon Aug 09, 2021 8:56 am

Hi guys I know I’m a little late I’m sorry but I’ve been dealing with this my whole relationship and I’ve been with my bf for a year… this is the only bf I’ve been like this with I’ve always been completely fine with this sort of thing as long as they weren’t actually watching porn or actively searching for sexy nude woman on the internet… but idk I was in an abusive relationship and he watched porn and actually cheated on me several times… my bf after that I found out he was watching Twitter porn behind my back whenever he wasn’t with me.. my bf after that we constantly used to watch movies and even music videos together and he would always tell me the girls were hot! One time I was at his house and we were watching a Rihanna music video and he wouldn’t stfu about how hot she was and after he was like ‘aww are you sure you have to go home can we at least have sex first?’ Wtf is that…. I think that’s the relationship that really got me thinking…. That really brought out this fear… I’ve always had a fear like this with my current bf and actually a few months ago I found out that he was searching up those sexy girls on Reddit… all his broken promises all the lies that repeat in my head daily all I wanted to do was harm myself…. All I thought was how disgusting I am and how I’m not good enough and I don’t deserve a relationship… we took a break but since then he’s seemed to try so hard.. he seems to really be doing his best to make it up to me and to show me he changed and he constantly tells me how he sucks at writing and he’ll never write for anyone but shortly after that he wrote me a letter telling me how sorry he was and how stupid he was for jeapordizing our relationship all for whores on the internet… every time I bring it up he cries and tells me how sorry he is and that if he can go back he wouldn’t even think of doing that stuff… I’ve never told anyone before not even my therapist I’ve never even wrote about it because I just wanted to suppress it and hoped that the memory would just fade to dust and become nothing… but I’m absolutely terrified I can’t even think of watching a movie with him besides a cartoon movie… today he told me he watched transformers and the mere thought of him watching Megan fox doing anything gave me so much anxiety I felt like I was gonna throw up… I don’t know what to do… he’s asked to go to the movies and I can’t bring myself to… he’s asked to watch pitch perfect and even though that’s one of my favorite movies I just can’t with him… I’m terrified that he’ll get turned on or he’ll find the other girls more attractive I’m terrified that he’s lying to me and actually picturing those girls when we have sex… that’s honestly my worst nightmare apart from him physically cheating… I think that’s just as bad. It doesn’t help that I have to work with a guy that looks at every girl he sees despite having a beautiful gf.. he constantly says stuff like how he wishes he could go back and have sex with other women that he sees with big boobs or a nice ass… the other day he was right next to me and he saw a pretty girl and he moaned! I started crying at the THOUGHT of my bf ever doing that because he saw a pretty girl! … anyways I’m sorry I just wanted to vent.. like I said I haven’t spoke about this since it happened and I was having a very bad night so I just wanted to blow off some steam..


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