Hi, I'm really sorry to hear you feel so lost. A lot of what you said really resonates with me. I was diagnosed late in life too, I've wondered what differences could have been made if I'd known from being a kid why I was the way I was but it's just more wasted time and makes me feel resentment and self pity, the first two bitches I meet on the way down to bashing whats left of my self worth and leaves me on my ass in low self esteem, self loathing and frustration. Then back up(coz I'm actually a pretty optimistic upbeat person by nature) I'm half way through my life now (if I'm lucky) I'm just working on damage limitation by keeping my circle small as I can and focusing on one priority at a time. Making time for myself as been hard when for months at a time I lose my motivation to have fun but I'm still working on it. Good luck, I really hope you find some solid support and enjoy a little fun and peace soon.