Without wishing to sound crass, welcome to the forum.
Sorry to hear that you are feeling so low.
There will be many of us here that have used drink to numb the pain in order to provide short term relief, it happens and sometimes it feels like the only escape. I get it.
Please feel free to reach out to any of the support organisations near you, as you can be sure that you are not alone in the way you are feeling right now! Please feel free to post into the forum or not , if you think it will help even a tiny bit then go right ahead. Also have a look in the information exchange as there maybe some pointers YouTube videos that might assist you.
Posting into the forum is a small start, acknowledging that you would benefit from some support is another... After all we are all human and we all hurt sometimes.