Disclaimer to start. I 100% believe that being asexual does not mean that you have had to have some horrible sexual experiences in the past and it has 'put you off sex' or whatever nonsense some people claim.
That being said, I identify as asexual (and possible aromantic though I'm still figuring that out). When I was 17-18 I ended up in a very unhealthy sexual relationship with my music teacher (40ish) which has basically been my only sexual experience (except masturbation). At the time I was just flattered that someone had found me attractive because at that point in my life I felt like that would never happen.
I'm struggling to reconcile the trauma I have from that 'relationship' with my sexuality. Did those experiences influence my lack of desire for sex and does that make me less asexual? I do enjoy masturbating and reading erotica sometimes (though I find porn boring), but don't want another real person involved in my sex life. Could this be trauma related or am I overthinking this and gatekeeping my own sexuality?
Any insights helpful!