I am completely new to this site and came across your post. It's really odd for me because it sounds similar to how I am feeling currently and in the past. I have been trying to improve my mental health as I have felt detached from the world for a very long time and that was my choice. I have had some difficulties that I found hard to process and so just decided that I was better off on my own with only my close friends and family (to an extent) around. Like you it has been worse in the last year due to circumstances that have arisen.
Again like you I have had problems which aren't as bad as others and I have had opportunities that others haven't; I also feel guilty for feeling this way.
I recently lost my sister and surprisingly I am coping well. I am still very upset and get triggered easily but I find I can always come back from the negative thoughts by thinking of the great times we had, how happy she was and knowing our relationship was a strong one. It made me think about myself and want to be more like her and sort myself out. I have tried online therapy which never seemed to work and I find it difficult talking to strangers even online so this is the first time I have been on a site like this. However as part of my healing process I am trying to be honest and open online even if nobody reads it.
When I was in uni I had social anxiety (not to the same degree I think) but I did the opposite and I tried to avoid the feeling by jumping in the deep end. I did things I am not proud of, I can't say I regret it as I made a few incredible friends but in hindsight it probably wasn't the best thing for me.
I hope venting online gave you some relief. Take care.
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