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Not sure where to turn

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
claire41
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2020 12:27 pm

Not sure where to turn

Postby claire41 » Sat Jan 11, 2020 12:35 pm

My husband has suffered with mental illness for years & we’ve had it under control but a couple of months ago his behaviour changed, he’s become very needy, jealous, checking on me all the time, checking my social media & phone.
We’ve talked about it & he said he wants to change but he can’t help checking my phone!! Is this true?

Has anyone had experience of this? Is this to do with mental illness / depression or is this something completely different.

I feel trapped & I don’t want to be with him anymore but as his wife I want to support him.

Any advice would be appreciated.

supportivewife
Posts: 39
Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2018 8:13 pm

Re: Not sure where to turn

Postby supportivewife » Sat Jan 11, 2020 4:59 pm

Hi Claire41,
Sorry to hear about your husband's mental health issues and your present situation.

I don't know whether his current behaviour is to do with his mental health or not, but maybe he should speak to his GP about this if he hasn't done that already. I know you have said you have both discussed this, but maybe you need to reiterate to him how badly this is affecting you and set some boundaries. Although I know this is quite difficult to do.

My husband is incredibly needy a lot of the time, but this is to do with his Personality Disorder, though he doesn't check my phone, he does text me a lot if I am out somewhere and is constantly looking for reassurance from me. I do appreciate that you feel trapped as I do feel this way at times too, but also want to support my husband also. It is really difficult living with someone who has a mental health issue.

I would definitely encourage him to get some form of help. It is important also for you to look after your own well-being and keep seeing friends/family and maybe even confide in them.

Sorry I can't be of more help, but I'm sure others on here may have some advice too, although it is a quiet forum at times. I wish you and your husband all the best. Aileen.

rsxo
Posts: 1287
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: Not sure where to turn

Postby rsxo » Sat Jan 11, 2020 11:35 pm

Welcome :)

That's a tricky one - he is your partner so of course you want to support him, but on the other hand, in its current state it doesn't sound like a health relationship at all. It sounds like he is paranoid about you and your relationship (not sure what caused this though without context). Is he receiving any support from the GP (medication, counselling etc)?

Much love <3
RSxo <3

claire41
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2020 12:27 pm

Re: Not sure where to turn

Postby claire41 » Tue Jan 14, 2020 1:19 pm

Hi,

Thank you both for your reply.
He has a doctors appointment booked for tomorrow, as well as a private physiatrist appointment tonight so fingers crossed he gets the help he needs.

The thing I’m struggling with, is can help what he’s doing? I’m getting really crossed and more distant and if I’m honest he’s scaring me a bit because I think it’s just controlling behaviour but then I’m thinking if he can’t help it then I feel guilty.

Argh!!!! Hopefully we will get some answers tomorrow.

supportivewife
Posts: 39
Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2018 8:13 pm

Re: Not sure where to turn

Postby supportivewife » Wed Jan 15, 2020 10:18 pm

Hi Claire41,
You are very welcome. Glad to hear your husband is getting some help and I hope his appointments go well. Yes, I can appreciate how you have mixed emotions about the situation. Wishing you both well. Aileen.

prycejosh1987
Posts: 246
Joined: Sat Jul 18, 2020 3:30 pm

Re: Not sure where to turn

Postby prycejosh1987 » Sat Jul 18, 2020 5:50 pm

claire41 wrote:My husband has suffered with mental illness for years & we’ve had it under control but a couple of months ago his behaviour changed, he’s become very needy, jealous, checking on me all the time, checking my social media & phone.
We’ve talked about it & he said he wants to change but he can’t help checking my phone!! Is this true?

Has anyone had experience of this? Is this to do with mental illness / depression or is this something completely different.

I feel trapped & I don’t want to be with him anymore but as his wife I want to support him.

Any advice would be appreciated.

It seems he is insecure and developing paranoia. You might have to work with that, i dont mean support it i mean confront him in a way that will address these two issues.


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