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PLEASE help! Can't stop lashing out at boyfriend

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deermouse
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Nov 09, 2019 3:10 pm

PLEASE help! Can't stop lashing out at boyfriend

Postby deermouse » Sat Nov 09, 2019 3:19 pm

So basically I'm in a long distance relationship of 2 years, we've met in person twice.
I keep saying horrible things to him every so often, it's been going on for nearly 2 years, and he's starting to get really sick of it.
I tell him that I'm going to stop but I never do. I just want to stop!!!!! Why do I keep doing it???? I have no idea!
Tonight I told him that 'you're sick of me, aren't you' and he again told me to stop talking rubbish and that I need to change my attitude. I don't mean any of the stupid things I say but I can't stop!!!!

Examples of things I've told him in the past:
You never wanted me anyway
You're a liar
You're a manipulative sociopath
I don't want to meet you again
I don't want you anymore
I'm sick of you
You don't appreciate anything that I do

samwamm
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Nov 07, 2019 2:14 pm

Re: PLEASE help! Can't stop lashing out at boyfriend

Postby samwamm » Sun Nov 10, 2019 3:55 am

you sound like my boyfriend.

essentially what happened with me is i learned to stop listening and start looking.

words don't mean much but actions like staying together, getting close and doing things together are signs that the things we say aren't true.

words are cheap and actions are expensive. Anger is momentary and everything else lasts and takes longer.

when you weigh it all up it's easy to see which is true.

which do you do more and which do you truly care more about?

if you've said all those things and you're still together it sounds like they are begining to realize it too. that the outbursts you have aren't your true feelings.

just remember to let them have their headspace or time without you regularly or you'll wear them down and stress them out.

no relationship is perfect. arguments are to be expected. we're not clones. we don't all share the same thoughts and ideas. and don't compare your relationship to other people's, every one is different.

you have a strange dynamic but it's still working and it sounds to me like your lack in confidence is the main cause. try to do some confidence building exercises and i suggest doing them without your boyfriend for the maximum efficiency.

hope that helps.


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