Search

Support Forum

SANE Support Forum

Daughter with bipolar, OCD, BPD etc

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
polly
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu May 30, 2019 10:38 am

Daughter with bipolar, OCD, BPD etc

Postby polly » Thu May 30, 2019 12:22 pm

hi

New to this group but after another psychotic demise lasting weeks with no real support I’m losing the plot too. Realised after 19 years as sole carer and trying to hold a full time job down, I need to reach out to try and understand what this is doing to me. Sorry to rant but I’m exhausted and st the point of is it me or her who is ill?

supportivewife
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2018 8:13 pm

Re: Daughter with bipolar, OCD, BPD etc

Postby supportivewife » Thu May 30, 2019 9:32 pm

Hi Polly,
I'm sorry to hear that things are so tough for you and your daughter at the moment. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. You have come onto the right place as there are some really helpful people on here and I have found the advice/listening ears really comforting at times.

I don't have any fast answers for you, but all I can say is I know exactly how you feel as my husband has a Personality Disorder and OCD and I know how draining caring for a person who has those conditions can be. Whilst I don't have any experience of Bipolar, seeing someone you love struggling with OCD and a Personality Disorder can be soul-destroying. I too am struggling at the moment as recently my husband's conditions have got a lot worse and I don't have any support. It can make you feel really ill and isolated, but all I can say is please look after your own needs first and try to make time for yourself by taking time out to spend time with family/friends and doing hobbies that you enjoy. Time away from the house, even for a couple of hours, can help to recharge your batteries and will help you to start afresh caring for your daughter. You will help your daughter immensely if your physical/mental well-being is looked after. I know it is easier said than done as in the past, I have ignored my own physical/mental health and put my husband's needs first and it has totally overwhelmed me at times and you just end up feeling more depressed, isolated and even resentful at times of your loved one.

Also do you have any support in the form of your GP or CMHT team for your daughter? In the past I have actually gone to my husband's GP myself and explained my concerns to her, as my husband refuses any help with his conditions. Just speaking to the GP and letting her know I am struggling a bit has helped.

I can relate to you feeling like you are the one who is ill as I feel like that at times too and blame myself for my husband having his mental health conditions; however I do know deep down that it is not my fault. Sometimes even doing things with your daughter can help, even if it is going out for a walk, doing a jigsaw or watching a movie together, as it lifts both your spirits a bit and stops you both focusing so much on the mental health conditions; I find it helps sometimes anyway.

You are doing so well holding down a full time job and caring for your daughter as that must be really challenging at times. I don't work due to my disability (I have Spina Bifida) and my husband doesn't work either (as he is my carer), and find it tough enough coping with him without working.

Your local Carer's Centre may be of some help too.

Sorry I can't be of more help, but I am sure that there may be other people on here with other advice. I come on here from time-to-time so if you ever just want to talk then I am happy to listen.

I wish you and your daughter all the very best for the future and keep your chip up.

Best wishes,
Aileen x :-)

polly
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu May 30, 2019 10:38 am

Re: Daughter with bipolar, OCD, BPD etc

Postby polly » Fri Jun 14, 2019 10:48 am

Aileen,

Thank you so much for your reply. So kind of you to take the time to write so much. It has been an horrendous journey the last 6/7 weeks trying to get mental health services to admit her to hospital. 18 family members ringing crisis teams, care co ordinators, home treatment teams, her GP, my GP as we all believe her to be in a manic psychotic episode. It has been daily phone calls from police, ambulance, neighbours, window cleaners all saying the same thing. Hundreds of texts and ranting insanity from her to all of us night and day. We all finally blocked her calls, false face books accounts and left it to her neighbours who within 5 days got her into a ward sectioned under mental health act. She had already been in under 136 four times. Who are these jokers that profess to know her condition when we as family can see the utter carnage and chaos around her and her beliefs are so crazy. Astral projection, crystal healer, reincarnated, got to get to London to Russel brand, they have a plan. She must be terrified of what is happening to her.

I struggle to know if I could have done anything differently to have stopped all this early on. They have actually admitted they don’t know what is actually wrong with her but are now starting to medicate her. How will that help? They will never be able to ask her about all these thoughts if she’s heavily sedated.

I now feel disgusting as I had a breakdown at work and am off for a few days to try and restore my own sanity and feel guilty for abandoning her to the likes of the nhs mental health team who wouldn’t know crisis if they saw it! Sorry just feeling angry, frightened, let down and guilty for just thinking about the effect on me and the whole family. I have to distance myself just to regain my own sanity.

I am so sorry you have health conditions as well as your husband, I do hope you have some good times ahead. You deserve it.

Thank you and sorry for ranting
Polly

supportivewife
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2018 8:13 pm

Re: Daughter with bipolar, OCD, BPD etc

Postby supportivewife » Fri Jun 14, 2019 8:04 pm

Hi Polly,
No problem at all. I wasn't much help, but just wanted you to know I was thinking of you.
I'm sorry to hear that things have become so bad for your daughter, but hospital will be the best place for her at the moment and she will now hopefully get the help she needs to get better. Please don't apologise, I often have a rant too and this is the best place to do it where people understand what you are going through. Please look after yourself. You are doing the right thing in taking some time for yourself to recharge your batteries. If you ever need to talk then I am happy to listen.
Thank you for your kind words about my husband and I. His mental health has deteriorated a lot lately and I am struggling myself with things, but just trying to take one day at a time just now. That's all you can do.
I wish you and your daughter all the very best for the future.
Take care,
Aileen x :-)

lostrose
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2019 8:32 pm

Re: Daughter with bipolar, OCD, BPD etc

Postby lostrose » Mon Jun 17, 2019 11:37 am

Dear Polly,

At the exact same time you have been going through this with your daughter, my husband's son has also gone into a deep and terrifying psychosis. (He is much older and in the Amazon in Peru). But we have experienced it many, many times and are in utter despair at how to contain the outrageous situations he gets in. What wonderful neighbours you have to be able to finally get the assessment and get her sectioned!! At some point we families, I wonder, only make things worse. They know how to manipulate us and to get us riled into the emotional states that seem to match theirs. So I can totally understand why you feel like the crazy one. And it is equally frustrating, that we are the ones with the inside knowledge of our out-of-control family member, and yet the mental help teams will continue to believe what the calmed psychotic tricks them into believing.

Your past couple weeks have been torture, haven't they? And the worst part is the one in psychosis has no idea what they've put you through once they've calmed. I was discouraged to read that it seems to be as hard here in the UK to get psychotic episodes properly assessed. My husband's son went through this process in Canada the last time around. And we spent ages dealing with the police there -- 20 call outs in a month before they realised something was wrong beyond alcohol. I had to plead and beg and play a phone recording of how he was threatening to slit our throats in a terrifying voice before an officer twigged and called in the psychiatric assessment team. He then was sectioned for less than a week and let out as an English eccentric!!! We were horrified. Then it started all over again...

We also get the barrage of emails and texts. It's horrendous all night long madness and you dismiss it and feel it acutely at the same time. Interesting to read that your daughter wants Russell Brand with his plan, when my husband's son wants Katie Perry to solve it! Weren't they married once? Pretty coincidental! He warns people about 5G and is married to a goddess. As well, he is a secret Messiah and where he is in Peru, some of the people believe him! He used to be a clean cut young man (never really in society properly, but could pass). He is now a ranting Jesus! And he just attacked a friend (who has forgiven him, which doesn't help) and got arrested for trashing a hostel and throwing a bottle at a police officer. He's been in jail but is now released on conditions. He's overstayed his visa and will be deported back to the UK --it's only a matter of time. So we know what's coming. And I am ever so disheartened to see that it might be the very same rigamarole here. 136 only works for 24 hours, it appears, and then they have to release or commit you. But the patient always seems to calm down and get released in that time. Only to rear up again a couple days after returning home. I am utterly distressed for you to Polly. We have the same heartbreaking impossible experience. I was told by the hospital in Canada that it is a process. It very common to see a patient get admitted many times before a proper further diagnosis and medication can happen. Which was absolutely deflating.

I know you will wonder what you could have done earlier. My husband also wonders this, but what is the realm of normal they are being judged on -- normality that lasts a few hours, days? And when 136 doesn't produce results, you second guess yourself and think he/she will outgrow it. It's not your fault. It is something very wrong in the brain chemistry. The medication actually could help. Sedation first to get them calm, then there could be a regime of medication that will lessen certain receptors in the brain not to get over excited by the stimuli that has been triggering them before. The professionals will have seen this many times and hopefully, now that she is sectioned, their plan will be to bring out the distorted thoughts if they are still there when they're not in psychosis. Do either of you as parents have schizophrenia in your family? Do you know if these psychotic states are exacerbated by substance abuse for her?

I'm really really feeling for you, Polly. The last 12 days have been absolute torture for us too. Can you please report on what is happening as things change? I'd love to hear how things are going and be a support as someone who understands if you'd like to share. This was my first time posting here too...

All the best. Keep strong.
Rose

rsxo
Posts: 1050
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: Daughter with bipolar, OCD, BPD etc

Postby rsxo » Fri Jun 21, 2019 6:39 pm

Welcome!x
RSxo <3


Return to “Family, Friends and Carers”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests