When i'm low i feel like my existence is unreal, an illusion. That my memories have just been planted in my head to fool me into thinking i am real. That there is no future, it too is an illusion of some power, possibly demonic to fool me into thinking that i exist, that all that exists is pain, maybe i am in hell, perhaps there was once a human race but they died out long ago. Aisling.
most of the time i do not feel like i live in reality, it feels more like im in a video game, ill be driving down the road, some1 does something to annoy me and i feel like i can just shunt them off the road kinda like in GTA. other times ill look around my living room and wonder where i am (i lived here for 8 years), it feels totally alien to me. i have to constantly remind myself its me not the world. closest thing i can compare it to is when u had just enough to drink and feel it, like when ur balance starts to going. there are only brief periods of a few hours when things seem normal.
What you talk about sounds like dissociation, sometimes called derealization, its a recognised feature of mental illness. Have you ever talked to your gp about it, thanks for your reply, nice to meet you hyster, Aisling.
nice to meet u as well Aisling. most the time ive seen docs i always get the impression they saw me as a hypochondriac, i got put on anti-depressants about 15 years ago but they didnt hep at all so i come off them. tried talking to my step daughters recently about my head issues and again got the impression its all in my head. in my life i always been there for others but when its me that needs help im alone, thats been the story off my life.
just googled Derealization and i have many symptoms of that. Also Borderline personality disorder seems to fit pretty well :/ thanks for pointing that out guess i need to see how good my docs are which im not looking forward to
Glad i could be of some help, docs can be scary. What might be a good idea is to wright out all your symptoms on a sheet of paper as there are so many, take it with you to the docs and pass it to him to read. All the best, let us know how you get on, Aisling.