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Help.paranoid and insecure

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newmummy
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2019 5:04 pm

Help.paranoid and insecure

Postby newmummy » Tue Apr 16, 2019 5:11 pm

So me and my boyfriend have had a baby together. I'm now even more insecure about my body and ability to be a good girlfriend. I have a lot of trust issues. I have never trusted anyone I have been with which I guess drives them away. Today I logged into my boyfriends social media, he has not been talking to anyone but he has been searching for girls. I asked him about one and he says he doesn't know them, I didn't tell him I logged into his account. So now iknow he has the ability to lie to me, I don't know what to do. He's not done anything just searched for these girls. He also never told me he had this account it was only by chance it came up. He says I'm paranoid which I am. I just have this gut feeling he will leave me if anyone else pays him attention and I cant shake it. I don't know what to do to help myself and ensure our little family stays together.

betterinrecovery
Posts: 529
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:07 pm

Re: Help.paranoid and insecure

Postby betterinrecovery » Tue Apr 16, 2019 7:11 pm

Dear Newmummy,
Congratulations to you.
I hope you and the little one are doing as well as is possible. I hope your baby is feeding reasonably well and that you, yourself are getting as much sleep as you can.

Tell me, do you have your mum or close friends around that come in to look after you and the little one ...to keep you company and to make sure you have been eating? Also to help you with the shopping e.t.c?
As a new mummy, I do believe you and the baby need this...nurturing and cosseting, cuddles and kindness, not just from your partner but from your wider family as you welcome your little one into the world and as you adjust to being a mother.

I need to think a bit before I write more, if I may. Perhaps try and get some treats for yourself - I think you deserve something lovely.

Sending you love and kindness (if I may),

B

In addition to the above, I wonder if concentrating on tangible things in the real world would be of more help just now: perhaps encouraging your partner to look after baby - bathing, feeding, dressing. Taking nice pictures of baby too.
It may help to chat to your health visitor about ways of keeping well.
I do hope you can find ways of enjoying the newness of the baby...showing the baby off and having people make a fuss of you and the baby.
You, my dear are the star of this show, you have over the last year, done something really amazing.

betterinrecovery
Posts: 529
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:07 pm

Re: Help.paranoid and insecure

Postby betterinrecovery » Thu Apr 18, 2019 7:34 am

Dear Newmummy,
just to add to the above. In times past, a more mature, respected friend or family member might have had a quiet chat with your partner: probably to just to explain the impact of the arrival of the new child on the both of you and how your partner now needs to be supportive and strong for all 3 of you.
That of course was in the days before social media as it is now, but I think it is still a valid approach. :idea:

Another 'old fashioned' view would be to say that now you are a mother first and that your body will get back into shape in due course, ( I know that there is more to it than this).
I think perhaps you could chat about your concerns to your health visitor as well.

Of course there are groups like the NCT Natioal Childbirh Trust, or Mumsnet where you can meet and chat with other new and not so new mums and get support and strenght.

Wishing you well,
B


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