Search

Support Forum

SANE Support Forum

Alone

If you're new and want to say hello...
mary96
Posts: 9
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2019 4:21 pm

Alone

Postby mary96 » Wed Apr 10, 2019 5:50 pm

I know there are millions of people going through what I’m going through depression for 10 years, but I can’t help but feel so alone in this world and feel guilty I feel this way.

Feeling so much emotion I could burst or none at all and I’m completely numb.

People say your not alone there nothing for you to feel guilty about .... but yet I find myself putting my self together on the out side to ease others when On the inside I feel like I’m suffocating

I’m 23 no debt, no deaths, nothing that screams this is why you are like this

10 years I’ve been fighting to carry to keep living this way, I feel like there is no light at the end of this tunnel more antidepressants more CBT ... is it my fault there not working long term, am I making myself this way .... how do I live a normal life when I have this sadness deep inside that comes in and out of my life

I don’t know I don’t know the answers to any of my questions I just don’t know how to make myself feel better ...

elpis777
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Apr 05, 2019 8:50 pm

Re: Alone

Postby elpis777 » Tue Apr 16, 2019 5:08 pm

Hi, sorry you feel so alone. I think long term depression does that to us though. Have you been referred to any psych services other than CBT? CBT doesn't work for everyone so maybe ask your Gp for a psychology/psychiatry referral?

You started very young like me, so there must be something going on that has been missed. I have had depression since god only knows when. I had a very unhappy childhood and felt very unwanted and unloved. I remember self harming when I was about 7 or 8 and I remember thinking to myself that I was naughty so had to hit myself. There were some conkers hanging on the washing line so I started hitting myself really hard with them, pretty sad for a little kid to be doing that. Then early teens I used to get pins from the sewing basket and stick them into myself repeatedly or stick them under my skin horizontally anyway sorry I am waffling off track. My point is that even if there is nothing obvious in your life now perhaps something happened as a kid or perhaps it is just your chemical make up? Anyone else in the family suffer?

mary96
Posts: 9
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2019 4:21 pm

Re: Alone

Postby mary96 » Tue Apr 16, 2019 7:45 pm

Thank you for your message, ive been to talking therapies I was under CAHMS until I was 18.

There so much that happened to me as a child ,emotional neglect, bulling the first time I tried to kill myself I had just turned 13,
But I have talked through all of the pain of my childhood is was pain full but then I didnt feel like anything improved once I had been through it.

Lots of people in my family suffer with some form of mental health issue my family seam to think I’m bipolar but I’ve never been had the mania.

I have an appointment with phycolagy this weeek so we will see what this one says.....some days I just want to give up but we just keep fighting another day.

Thank you for responding I do take some form of comfort speaking to someone who’s going through similar issues

godmami89
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2019 7:56 pm

Re: Alone

Postby godmami89 » Tue Apr 16, 2019 8:50 pm

Hi,
I'm completely new to the forum.

Reading your post I fortunately had a good childhood (I think atleast) nothing jumps out to say OMG this is why you suffer like this and think like you do....but lots of little things add up and are part of how we perceive ourselves, the 'shoulds and shouldnts' BUT like I said to my counsellor today, who says we should think and feel certain ways, we can do as we like....but it's very hard to when we've learnt behaviours from very young ages....we may not know this consciously but they are there...when our brains are sponges and our eyes observe everything!
I have found CBT of no use to me over the years...but maybe I've just not allowed myself to go back to the 'trauma' that I believe on some level isn't a trauma?
Anyway I'm probably making no sense, but I know the pain you're feeling is very much real and how it feels to run out of fight.

I'm really glad to have found this website/forum and hope reading others stories and knowing I'm not alone or 'crazy'.

Glad you've also seeked support and hope you get some answers through Psychologist etc!

godmami89
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2019 7:56 pm

Re: Alone

Postby godmami89 » Tue Apr 16, 2019 8:58 pm

Hi,
I'm completely new to the forum.

Reading your post I fortunately had a good childhood (I think atleast) nothing jumps out to say OMG this is why you suffer like this and think like you do....but lots of little things add up and are part of how we perceive ourselves, the 'shoulds and shouldnts' BUT like I said to my counsellor today, who says we should think and feel certain ways, we can do as we like....but it's very hard to when we've learnt behaviours from very young ages....we may not know this consciously but they are there...when our brains are sponges and our eyes observe everything!
I have found CBT of no use to me over the years...but maybe I've just not allowed myself to go back to the 'trauma' that I believe on some level isn't a trauma?
Anyway I'm probably making no sense, but I know the pain you're feeling is very much real and how it feels to run out of fight.

I'm really glad to have found this website/forum and hope reading others stories and knowing I'm not alone or 'crazy'.

Glad you've also seeked support and hope you get some answers through Psychologist etc!

elpis777
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Apr 05, 2019 8:50 pm

Re: Alone

Postby elpis777 » Wed Apr 17, 2019 1:16 am

mary96 wrote:Thank you for your message, ive been to talking therapies I was under CAHMS until I was 18.

There so much that happened to me as a child ,emotional neglect, bulling the first time I tried to kill myself I had just turned 13,
But I have talked through all of the pain of my childhood is was pain full but then I didnt feel like anything improved once I had been through it.

Lots of people in my family suffer with some form of mental health issue my family seam to think I’m bipolar but I’ve never been had the mania.

I have an appointment with phycolagy this weeek so we will see what this one says.....some days I just want to give up but we just keep fighting another day.

Thank you for responding I do take some form of comfort speaking to someone who’s going through similar issues


omg we sound like twins!! except i got not psych help. Tried to kill myself at 13 too....spooky how similar our general stories are!


Return to “Newbies Room”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests