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at a loss what to do

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lisalou79
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2019 6:41 pm
Location: doncaster
Contact:

Re: at a loss what to do

Postby lisalou79 » Thu Jan 17, 2019 3:36 pm

I'm so sorry for the auto correct words.my phone is terrible for doing that

tommy
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2019 4:17 pm

Re: at a loss what to do

Postby tommy » Thu Jan 17, 2019 4:40 pm

I had the same thing where i didnt feel my doctor really got it so i had to change my doctor a few time but finally found one who listened,im not very good with my words so wrote all the feelings i had down on paper first.Im not always the talkitive type so was very unsure about talking to councellors/theripists but i was the best thing i did,i have alot of friends i could of spoke to but was ashamed to do so sometimes talking to someone who you dont know actually works better so there is always someone out there to talk to.
No matter how low you feel fight it,it will not be for ever and things will get better in time its along journey but one worth taking and this can be the start of a better and happier life.

lisalou79
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2019 6:41 pm
Location: doncaster
Contact:

Re: at a loss what to do

Postby lisalou79 » Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:05 pm

I'm glad counselling helped for you Tommy, I wish it had made me feel better. I once had one of them say I probably had biderlune personality disorder, and they would put me in medication but they didn't. I do have mood swings and sometimes I say things I don't mean to push people away. I don't know why. I think I do need to change doctor's surgerys. and see if i can get an understanding one. i so want to be a healthy happy person.

tommy
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2019 4:17 pm

Re: at a loss what to do

Postby tommy » Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:28 pm

I did the same thing mood swings say stuip stuff and push people away and it makes no sence because then i felt bad about that and it added to my worrys, so i got to the point where i felt everyone hated me and the point of living seemed more and more pointless it made me feel worthless,try a different doctor and go from there and dont give up until you get the help you feel is needed dont sit back and feel defeated keep trying
You will be happy person you just need to find the right help but unfortunatly its not always that easy but its out there

lisalou79
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2019 6:41 pm
Location: doncaster
Contact:

Re: at a loss what to do

Postby lisalou79 » Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:52 pm

yes thankyou Tommy for the advice, I will register with a different doctors next week. I'm not giving up.I have my kids to be there for.I honestly don't know how I'm managing to get through everyday though. once I have my car that I paid for next week I will feel a bit better. isolation isn't good.and truly missed getting out and going for drives. that was and is a form of therapy to me. I need to come to the conclusion that if people don't want me in their lives,that's fine.I can not change it by crying. I need to make my own closure for this recent relationship breaking down, as i haven't got it from him.funny how were sucked in by people. I even tried to take it slow. still got s@#! on from a great height. I never learn lol

tommy
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2019 4:17 pm

Re: at a loss what to do

Postby tommy » Thu Jan 17, 2019 6:08 pm

You are spot on about if people dont want you in there lifes then crying wont change anything.some times you just have to say to yourself fuck it,it is what it is! and move on and as for the relastionship break down its his loss not yours

lisalou79
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2019 6:41 pm
Location: doncaster
Contact:

Re: at a loss what to do

Postby lisalou79 » Thu Jan 17, 2019 6:30 pm

but how much must he hate me to not even give me closure on ending it.not even giving me that respect. I was with him for nearlly a year. trusted him. went out my way to make him feel wanted. I'm ashamed as i begged and pleaded for closure. I believed he was one of the good ones :cry: how wrong was I. but I suppose at least he wasn't abusive to me. I won't say but I put up with a lot in the form of his ex and his busy life. I wasn't a priority. I'm kicking myself for being sucked into it when I should have been more aware of not giving my heart

tommy
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2019 4:17 pm

Re: at a loss what to do

Postby tommy » Thu Jan 17, 2019 7:56 pm

Maybe he hates you maybe he doesn't i guess it dosen't matter it was guttless of him not to give you closure after being with him for a year he should of had more respect but like you said if you didnt get it from him you will have to make your own,and dont beat yourself up about giving him your heart theres nothing wrong with that if its for the right person its just a shame he wasn't but now you know it takes situatuons like this to see peoples true colours and hes not a pretty one

holdingon
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2019 7:28 pm

Re: at a loss what to do

Postby holdingon » Thu Jan 17, 2019 8:39 pm

I totally get what you're saying about relationships. I was in them for most of my adult life, since 15. I've been kind of single for a year and half now and I have hated it, but I made myself do it, thinking I had to learn I can do it on my own, and yes, I've learnt that, but I already knew it so really I wasted that time being lonely. I also allowed an ex to use me in that 1 1/2 years, which made getting over him extremely difficult. Saying no to him just wasn't an option all those times.
I think being in a loving relationship maybe key to finding happyness, but it has to be a good relationship for it to work. I'm gonna look for that now & not settle for anything less.
Maybe we shouldn't be looking for reasons why anymore, and like you say accept it for what it is & move onto the next chapter.
I'm on UC too & it really is the pits. Nowhere near enough to live on. Debts are chasing me too, even took money direct from my wages & UC. Apparently they can do that & is worked out on a percentage. One month they took £90 from my £490 UC payment. It's so damaging & makes you feel like you can't cope anymore.
Theres this thing called a DRO if you've not heard of it look into it. It's a Debt Relief Order, you pay a fee and it puts all your debts on hold for 12 months, If your circumstances don't change in that time it wipes them. I need to do it, but can't afford the fee yet.
Also you mention being a carer for your daughter. Can you not get a carers allowance for that ?
You've done quite a few worthwhile courses there.
Have you heard of the 19+ loan? You can do a level 3 upwards with it & won't have to pay it back until you're earning £25000 a year.
You could also try a "Go fund me page" to try and raise the money to start a business.

Accept it. Change it. Leave it.. If you Can't Change it, Leave it
so very true and I love the way you put that crying won't change anything !! It doesn't.
I don't think its a hate thing about your ex, he just couldn't face you. Some people just are like that & they run away from things. We could analyse it in so many ways, but you may not ever know the truth, its a hard thing to move on from but we have too or we'll become stuck in the torture. You do deserve better, as do I and as do so many people out there, we need to accept that & not settle for anything less. We can make that choice and if its wrong, change it again.
Tommys so right, we should not feel bad for giving someone our heart (metaphorically of course) and we shouldn't not give it to the next person because it was broken before..

lisalou79
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2019 6:41 pm
Location: doncaster
Contact:

Re: at a loss what to do

Postby lisalou79 » Fri Jan 18, 2019 8:32 am

he did give me closure.last night via messanger. ......he has a psycho wife (but they split last year) and 6 kids to a few different women. he made out he was a good one.respectable job.guitar player.was in band's granted not famous.but I not only loved him,i adored him.and this is what I get. I'm discusted I ever loved him. I'm so sick of picking myself up after fakers :| yes i have heard about the dro. was ment to get one put in place by some help charity through my daughter's chams.but she never did it. yes i get all in entitled to.I just want to get off the system and make myself proud.I'm so sorry your in near enough the same position. It's rubbish. I did something easy last week.I booked a week away to Portugal with my daughter for March but didn't realuze I coyodnt afford it. plus I'm too anxious to go alone with her.I so things without thinking sometimes and regret it later. I do hope you have better luck at finding love.you have given yourself time.not all men are bad.I just haven't found one worth his salt. I need to grieve, lick my wounds,make peace with it and concentrate on getting well.I really apreciate everyone who has commented and helped. we are all worth so much more than we give ourselves credit for


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