Dealing with your partners depression out of the blue

[preston]

Hi

Im new to.all this and dont know where to begin other than my life got turned upside down. My partner and i have been together for 3.5years recently bought a house 12 months ago and been living in it for 8. For the past few weeks he has not seemed him self. He started crying yesterday and said he doesnt know whats wrong he cant do nothing and he doesnt know if he wants us but doesnt want to loose me as his life would be nothing and all he wants to do is go to sleep and not wake up. Even in tje bedroom things have died because of this and he thinka theirs somthing wrong as he doesnt feel sexual or any emotions so anything hes numb. Im trying ti change our diet...trying to motivate him to come to the gym with me. He doesnt want to.speak to anyone or take any pills.
How do i cope with this as i love him so much and it hurts watching this...last week he was talking about marridge and asking if we can start a family next year, to wake to a man saying he doesnt know what he wants about anything even his own life. I come in from work today trying to give him his own space and hes acting like its all normal
I feel lost and alone and not sure how to help him or what to do. Please can anyone help me

[pauley]

Hi.
Thank you for posting, I am going to come at this from a different direction, I suffer from severe depression, and I can see the effect it has on my wife. from my point of view, a lot of help from those close to us can be "misguided", when you are depressed, hearing just think good thoughts or focus on the positive just simply does not work. You feel so low, worthless and helpless, you just don't see why people should care about you.

I found it helped me so much when my partner accepted I just needed to be alone sometimes, I would go for a walk, have a coffee and read a book. I am never pressured into saying what i am doing or where I am going or when I will be back.

its hard, but you need to let him fight his demons, you can't do it for him, however much you wish you could. Little acts of kindness that are not designed to try to get him to open up or talk are always welcome, a favorite chocolate bar, just given casually, "bought this for you at lunchtime" type thing, buying him a book if he reads, just random acts to show him you are there when he may need you will go a long way.

it is hard on you, human nature is always to try to talk things over, but some of what he may say could be the depression talking, try not to take anything negative to heart. I can see it is horrible for you, keep talking on here, check out friends and family threads and be there for him, he will open up when he wants to or when he is ready.

I hid mine, crashed badly and eventually went to Docs, medication helps. Also, local groups, especially male only support groups have been good for me. Not for everybody, but maybe see if any are about?
Pauley

[preston]

Thank you ill try that. Thanks

[pauley]

if you can, let us know how it goes. You can get through this!
best
Pauley