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Do I need to get help

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
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Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2019 3:04 pm

Do I need to get help

Postby bobber70 » Thu Jan 10, 2019 3:20 pm

Firstly hello,
Just registered after browsing for a while.

I am feeling pretty low at the moment and just after some advice from you guys and gals.
I am 49 but think I have had depression since a teen, ran away with intention of committing suicide twice before I was 16.
Since then most people think I am a depressive sort with the usual comments of cheer up, snap out of it etc.
On the whole I am fairly happy but I left my job 2 years ago as I couldn’t cope with the pressure and stress and was close to breakdown, since then I have done little work which makes me angry and further depressed. I always spend way too long thinking about where I could be if I had stayed in job etc etc.
Currently have the offer of a new job but it is 85mile commute and I don’t think it would really help me much.
It is making me extremely depressed and anxious thinking about it.
I can never make decisions on the big things in life, always over thinking everything.
My poor wife puts up with me but I feel bad for her that she has to put up with me when most husbands are out there working , getting on with life.
She is supportive but don’t think she is aware of how bad it is at times for me.
Yes I have regular thoughts of ending it all.

So I guess after that rant my question is doi need some help and what would that be?
The thought of discussing this with a gp depresses me more, not had a generally great experience with them
I still feel that at my age I should know better and should be able to get out of it myself.

Thanks for listening

Posts: 1757
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Do I need to get help

Postby andthistoomustpass » Thu Jan 10, 2019 10:52 pm

Hi & welcome

'I still feel that at my age I should know better and should be able to get out of it myself.'
Yeah, the voice telling you that is probably depression and perhaps anxiety and low self esteem screwing with you.

Getting stressed in a high pressure job is really bad for anyone, sounds like you made the right decision to leave. That time consuming commute sounds terribly unhealthy too, got to look after yourself mate. Do you think part of the stress at the idea of going back to work is because part of your brain remembers how bad it got at the last place? That would be perfectly normal, the old subconscious tends to override our minds when it thinks we are doing something dangerous.

A huge proportion of GP appointments are for mental health issues. 1/3 of sicknotes issued in the UK are for mental health issues. In our society these issues seem to be becoming the norm. Why not try writing down your symptoms, how long you have had them and how it affects your life. Showing that to the GP will help them understand.

If you are not keen on help from a GP or the counselling / therapy he could refer you for then I can recommend a few things. The best self help book out there is The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. I recommended other books and all sorts of other helpful stuff in the following posts.



There is loads more good advice on this site, take a look around!

Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2019 2:44 am

Re: Do I need to get help

Postby evie » Fri Jan 11, 2019 2:53 am

Hi there, it does sound like you may be suffering from depression. It could be worth going to your gp for a formal diagnosis, but if you’re down for more than a few months and sleep or other areas of your life are effected too they will normally diagnose you with depression.

I suffered depression for over 12 years and was on medication a long time, but with a lot of self help and cognitive behavioural therapy online I managed to get better. I did see a CBT practitioner but it was too expensive so did online courses mostly that were really cheap and super effective too. :)

Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2019 3:04 pm

Re: Do I need to get help

Postby bobber70 » Fri Jan 11, 2019 11:09 am

Thanks to both of you for taking the time to reply.
It’s nice to know there are people that care.
Will have a look at the links you both post when I have a bit more get up and go.
Seriously believe I have had depression for most of my life, would love to have an avenue out of it.
I feel so guilty when I slip into it as I feel so bad for my wife, she deserves better, but no matter how much I tell myself I need to sort myself out that usually makes me worse.

Posts: 1840
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Do I need to get help

Postby deb1960 » Mon Jan 14, 2019 6:49 pm


Feeling.bad for your wife is understandable and normal. I go through spells of feeling guilty re my husband. I aak him why he puts up with me. He is very supportive.

You are giving yourself such a hard time. You think you should make yourself better. But if you had diabetes and were told you needed insulin would you refuse it and think yourself well.

It is impossible for us to think ourselves out of depression. There are various paths but I do believe that going to your gp is the first step. You are ill and acknowledges that could be the first step to recovery.

Take care
Deb x

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