tw: body dysmorphia / ED
I've been really struggling with my ed and bdd recently. I've been relapsing more (mentally and behaviour wise) and I'm pretty sure that me restricting my food intake isn't exactly helping the situation. It's not 'hardcore' but still.
I've been having these compulsive behaviours relating to bdd for a few days that I literally can't stop doing (comparing my photos on social media to other people's and doing that on/off throughout the day and I fall asleep and wakeup thinking about one particular photo of me and not being sure if I look old in it or not (and trying to figure it out through this comparison/checking). It is so exhausting and I know that it is useless and waste of time but I just feel like I can't stop until I "fix" the situation (i.e. until I think I look "acceptable").
I feel too ashamed to talk about this to anybody IRL. I don't think they would understand (and they often dont). Relating to bdd I have two obsessions which are 'how old' I look and then just general body shape (but my preference shape shifts constantly).
I don't know where else reach out to really. Also my therapist moved abroad so I don't even have professional help available to me atm.