Search

Support Forum

SANE Support Forum

Guess whos writing a book!!!

For sharing your experiences and feelings about mental illness
sirhugo
Posts: 596
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Guess whos writing a book!!!

Postby sirhugo » Wed Jan 02, 2019 5:43 pm

thanks mate same to you :D

the saga continues

Chapter 6 – Dr Pepper and Kevin Bridges

Many years ago, I spent a lot of time on the unemployment line. Looking for something to do with my days, I would do volunteering, college courses, whatever I could stumble across. In the volunteering especially I would meet with many people who had mental health difficulties.
At this point in my life, like most others probably, I had little insight or understanding of mental health. I would ask them about their condition and the details they gave me would boggle my tiny little mind. Like just about everyone on earth, I would think to myself that that would never happen to me

Many people said they had depression, and more often than not they were signed off sick and unable to work due to this. This always confused me. You can’t work because you’re depressed? This just sounded like an excuse to me. Suck it up bitch!!! My tax dollars are paying for you lazy fuckers. Oh the irony!!

One other thing that stuck in my mind was the horror stories these people would tell about their medication. There was all these hideous side effects like nausea, weight gain, hair loss, disturbed sleep, etc. etc. I would ask if it at least made them happy, and they would answer with something like “not really”. So why were you taking these meds in the first place you fuckwit?

So due to this, I was very reluctant to take any anti-depressants. Plus there was a couple of other factors. I didn’t see depression as an “illness” at this point, I just thought it was a state of mind. I didn’t see how medication would help at all. I have since looked this up and it’s all very complicated, but the gist is that they increase the serotonin levels in the brain. Serotonin is the “happy hormone” apparently. I also hear that chocolate is loaded with serotonin

insert sexist joke here

I also kept thinking what sort of pussy would it make me if I needed pills to get me through the day?

After weeks of endless despair though, I was desperate for something, anything to break the cycle of misery. So I figured it was at least worth a try. I decided to go with the doctor pepper philosophy (what’s the worst that can happen.) As long as the answer isn’t “I could die” then it was worth a go. I then quickly changed to the Kevin Bridges philosophy on Brexit (fuck it, it’ll be a laugh)

So I sucked it up with Dr Dickhead, and got me some happy pills

sirhugo
Posts: 596
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Guess whos writing a book!!!

Postby sirhugo » Thu Jan 03, 2019 7:05 pm

back on the front page with :lol:

sirhugo
Posts: 596
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Guess whos writing a book!!!

Postby sirhugo » Sat Jan 05, 2019 10:37 am

Chapter 7 – Happily ever after

So I now had my pills, a tiny little yellow thing with an unpronounceable name. I was told not to expect immediate results as the medication would take a while to build up in my system. This was a slight disappointment as I had visions of swallowing the pill, then running outside 30 seconds later screaming “I’M CURED!!!!!” at the top of my lungs. No such luck

In the meantime, since I knew that counselling could take a while, I decided to give the employee assistance programme website a go. The mental health first aider had suggested it and I figured it was worth a look. It had a number for free counselling service so I give it a call.

They transferred me straight through to a counsellor which was good. However it was clear that this women had already made up her mind what was wrong with me before I’d said a word. She was convinced my depression was caused by stress. I repeatedly tried to explain that this wasn’t the cause, and I hadn't been through anything particularly stressful, but there was no changing this woman's mind. Her theory is that depression is our minds shutting down due to stress and that it’s the brains way of "healing itself".

Sounded like utter bollocks to me

She did make some decent points about goal setting and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone but by this point I was incredible frustrated with her and wasn’t really listening. As soon as that call was over, I had decided that there services were no longer required

So instead I popped the happy pills I’d been given. As told, I felt no different at first. 4 weeks went past with no improvement. When my pills ran out I went back to the doctor and he upped my dosage. I don’t know if it was the higher dose or if it was just a cumulative effect but slowly but surely from that point the grey fog seemed to lift

Suddenly all the horrible negative thoughts, the lack of energy, the general drabness of my live seemed to be gone. I was in a fantastic mood. I was full of energy and motivation. Life seemed full of possibilities. Even the colours looked brighter. I know that’s and old cliché but it was actually true in this case

So what do you think I did? If you answered he ran around the house screaming “I’M CURED” then 10 points for you

And so I lived happily ever after

The end…….........

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1574
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Guess whos writing a book!!!

Postby andthistoomustpass » Sat Jan 05, 2019 3:30 pm

'I decided to go with the doctor pepper philosophy (what’s the worst that can happen.) As long as the answer isn’t “I could die” then it was worth a go. I then quickly changed to the Kevin Bridges philosophy on Brexit (fuck it, it’ll be a laugh)'

Two excellent approaches that have helped me too!

'Sounded like utter bollocks to me'

Me an all. What a twonk!

'I was in a fantastic mood. I was full of energy and motivation.'

Wow! Has that continued? It sounds amazing!

sirhugo
Posts: 596
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Guess whos writing a book!!!

Postby sirhugo » Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:27 pm

of course it hasn't continued. hence the ......at the end :lol:

I got a brief burst of this then it slowly faded away. im slowly getting in back now which is good

sirhugo
Posts: 596
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Guess whos writing a book!!!

Postby sirhugo » Wed Jan 09, 2019 5:58 pm

Chapter 8 – Cock Cheese

Yeah I wish

In a pattern that is typical of my life, something good happened briefly, only for it to be cruelly snatched away.

You know that line from Sit Down by James “If I hadn’t seen such riches, I could live with being poor”? That is very, very true. In my world it means if I hadn’t occasionally reached such brief periods of happiness, then I would probably be able to accept being miserable much easier. But it seems that the world needs to let you get your hopes up, just so it can cruelly dash them, leaving you more angry, cynical and less likely to allow yourself to be so happy again in future

The happiness didn’t disappear overnight. The misery slowly crept back on me like a fungus. One day a felt a nagging disquiet, and from there slowly grew outwards until the back dog was back, barking more loudly than ever

“What the hell is the black dog”? I hear you asking in my fucked up head. Black dog is simply a colloquial term for depression. People probably don’t like the word depression so they came up with a nicer one. Like calling crabs an infection instead of a disease. Doesn’t make a damn difference to me but such is life.

I think over the years the term has become something of private joke amongst fellow sufferers. Instead of asking “How’s the depression treating you?” asking how the black dog is seems to make it more normal and acceptable. Me and the missus have went one step further and gave the dog a name, Bob. If my mind Bob is a little black ankle biter dog, one of those annoying ones that trip you went you’re not looking and keeps you awake all night with its barking

Depression is funny like that. Yesterday for example, I felt fine. Positive and happy. No sign of the black dog. This morning, up at 6 and again seemed fine. Taking calls since 8 and doing ok

Then suddenly at about 10 o’clock, for no apparently reason my mood just plummets. One minute I felt fine, then the next I just didn't want to be here anymore. Nothing triggered it that I could pinpoint. No awkward customer, no ignorance, no dickhead busting my balls. Just one minute fine. The next minute the depths of despair

what the cock cheese?

Surely depression shouldn’t be like this? Up till then I’ve good days and bad days where the depression gradually built up or faded away as the day passes. I’ve never been struck with it so suddenly.

Bob, you are a cunt!!!!

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1574
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Guess whos writing a book!!!

Postby andthistoomustpass » Thu Jan 10, 2019 10:20 am

Nice post, very descriptive. Yep! Bob is A tricky c*nt. It may be that sudden mood swings are a good thing. A sign that your emotions are closer to the surface, more fluid. Fluid equals more susceptible to change. Maybe the pattern you eventually settle into will be more positive and engaged with life than the old pattern.

deb1960
Posts: 1726
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Guess whos writing a book!!!

Postby deb1960 » Thu Jan 10, 2019 5:59 pm

Hi Sir Hugo

Depression can do just what it likes! Yes I've had it suddenly appear. Using the dog analogy, it is a very clever dog that can do circus tricks and unfortunately it was our brains that taught them. I think depressives have incredibly smart brains.which can be used against us. One day I'm going to write a list on here of all the tricks my mind has played.

Deb x

sirhugo
Posts: 596
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Guess whos writing a book!!!

Postby sirhugo » Thu Jan 10, 2019 6:29 pm

That would be a most interesting list. That could be turned into your book :D

deb1960
Posts: 1726
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Guess whos writing a book!!!

Postby deb1960 » Fri Jan 11, 2019 10:07 pm

Only one book on depression I think Sir Hugo. x


Return to “Mutual Support Group”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 21 guests