ok folks. time for chapter 3
Chapter 2 – Dr Dickhead
I don’t know what it is with my brain, but the minute it understands something, or it gets a reason that explains behaviour of something or someone, then I feel just a little bit better. So therefore, the realization that I might have depression put a tiny light at the end of the long dark tunnel. Something that could explain why I felt so crappy all time. Why I felt like an alien and an outcast. Why I struggled to get out of bed every morning. And I suppose I also thought that maybe there was a magic cure out there to fix all the above in an instant, like all those adverts where someone with a blocked nose can suddenly speak perfectly
So the first step was to go to the doctor to discuss this and see what treatment options are available. I have never had the best experience with doctors. Excuse my French, but I think most of them to be useless cunts. It seems there go to answer for any problem is lose weight, stop smoking or take paracetamol. Brain tumour? No problem sir, just lose some weight. Useless bastards.
But if I was going to crack this problem I need to swallow my revulsion and see what they had to say for themselves. Of course they lived down to my very low expectations
I described the article I read regarding depression. She cuts me off mid-sentence (something that really pisses me off. I’m sure we’ll get to this later) and asks “why were you reading an article about depression?”
Why do you think you fucking muppet?
I told her that I was having all of the symptoms described. She asked me if I was having suicidal thoughts. When I said no she said I might have mild depression
Well, I’m sorry but there’s nothing “mild” about this horrible feeling that’s being plaguing my life. Thanks for making me feel like a total hypochondriac. I didn’t realize I needed to be suicidal before I bothered you with this
So the doctor quickly goes on to say that for treatment I can try counselling or medication. Not being particular keen on medication at that point, I said I’d like to try counselling. She tells me she’ll refer me to a counselling service and hands me a leaflet. At that’s it, appointment over
Can you imagine how’d you feel after that? Some people would feel like the biggest dickhead in the world. Some would feel that their problem was trivial and would go back to ignoring it. Other would spiral downwards into a bottomless pit of misery.
Fortunately this didn’t happen to me. Instead I got angry. More on this later