My friend...is a beautiful human. They paint beautifully, play violin, write beautiful stories. They’re extremely kind and a good listener, and they care about and love people but...my friend struggles a lot. How how someone that beautiful think they’re ugly? How can they hate themself sm? How can I show them what I see? Can they possibly love themself one day? I wonder. I wanna help but I feel useless. I wish I could do something.
I’ll give a little background on my friend: biologically female, my friend identifies as non bianary with masculine pronouns. However, he isn’t out publically. Well not even to his close friends. He self harms often and also alternates between binge eating and anorexia. My friend hates this and wished he could stop these behaviors but feels out of control of these things. His future...he’s so creative like I said but he is studying instead to become a doctor because of his mum. His mum even has told him she wishes he wasn’t born and various things of the sort. The youngest in his family, he takes on the most responsibility even answering emails for his mum bc she doesn’t speak English as well and having to do things like even finding a house to live when they moved...he does this kinda thing. My friend has told me about his dreams where he dreams of being tortured or killed in various ways so I worry because of that. He said from a young age he had these “fantasies” about dying. He hides all these things from other people though. He’s suicidal but feels too indebted to his mum for always providing for him to ever end his life. He has to lock the windows when he drinks though, because if he’s drunk enough he always wants to jump and looks and looks for the key at those times, which thankfully he can’t find. He also drinks a lot. Not with friends but alone to self-medicate, or so he’s able to sleep at night. It’s been better lately bc it’s the school year, so he can’t drink sm.
But I worry. I wish there was a way I could help, but I don’t know how. He won’t go to therapy or anything. He’s and bad experiences in the past and he feels compelled to hide all these things from his family. I wish I could do something as a friend to help, but idk I know I can’t heal anybody. I feel powerless in situations like this. Is there any sort of thing I could do better that would help? Or just continuing the best i can as I’ve been doing? I wish he could know how loved he is but he can’t grasp this..he thinks everyone hates him or will get tired of him and he can’t get close to ppl. How do I show people they’re loved and deserving? Without scaring them away or them deflecting it by feeling guilty or something? I just wish I could do something I’m so powerless