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I don’t know what to do?

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Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2018 7:50 pm

I don’t know what to do?

Postby jigfoot1979 » Sat Nov 10, 2018 8:09 pm

Hi, it’s really rude of me to dive in without even making myself familiar but I’m so in need of some words of advice/support/just any words. Long story shortish- o left an abusive relationship two years ago- emotional abuse was the problem. Once I had left there was such relief that everything’s seemed like it should all be fine now surely...what have I got to worry about now, right? Well I’ve recently started a new job with slightly more pressure added and all of a sudden I’ve begun to have the same feelings of panic and anxiety that I used to feel when I knew the answers I had would be wrong, the way I used to feel in that relationship. It makes me feel sick to the stomach. I was physically sick the other day and rang in sick because I just seen to have lost the ability to handle it! While I was in the relationship I got through, but now I’m crumbling! I cry every time I think of going to work because I know I’m going to get something wrong and I don’t know the answers. When I was in the relationship I knew all the answers because they were his answers no matter what, I knew what to say because I had to do everything his when I’m asked anything, i fall to pieces because I don’t know what I should think or say! The panic physically hurts my chest. I don’t know what to do’

Posts: 553
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: I don’t know what to do?

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Sat Nov 10, 2018 9:02 pm

You have a problem - er there is the obvious bit

There are associations with the past so the two are linked in your head
In reality there is no link at all
You are merely associating your current problems with your past ones and so the same feeling are coming back

This should be solvable with therapy but that costs

But also solvable by learning and really making them part of your life relaxation techniques
There are apps and podcasts that can help with this

What you are trying to do is drive down the stress reaction and not just during the stress

Can you do things like swim or gym at lunchtime - before or after work etc

What is the xtra pressure/stress that your new job is giving you
What is it and what did you do before
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

Posts: 42
Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2018 12:33 pm

Re: I don’t know what to do?

Postby melindaj » Mon Nov 12, 2018 2:18 pm

The automatic responses to anxiety reflect how you reacted in the past it does not need to be the same now .

Remind yourself that you escaped from that poor relationship and you be should congratulated for that.

When you say new job, is it a role change within same company or change of employer and how long ago did this happen?
Either situation can cause self doubt/ stage fright but we are all hardest on our selves and this may be unjustified.

Deep breaths and believe in yourself you got the job after all.

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