I had a nightmare time trying to log in because i could not remember my user name and password but obviously i managed to get in at last. It's difficult because apart from my rapid cycling Bi polar 1 I am in the early stages of early onset of dementia.
I can't believe it is nearly six years since my last post but because of recent developments i am in need of support.
I spent all summer in hospital. I went in on the back of a massive high. I had an over sense of my own importance (embarrassing when i came down). I talked on several complex issues but worst than that i wanted to express my views on "speakers corner, panorama an d the social media. ThankGod I was in hospital with no access to lap tops etc .
I can not begin to express the euphoria manic episodes possess. I feel absolutely 'bomb proof' a sense of well-being is so acute when people tell me i am unwell i don't believe them. Everything goes so fast my thoughts, speech, etc. I get cross with those who can't keep up.
After my high i went into a crippling depression culminating to suicidal ideology so profound i dad a nurse sitting at arms length from me. Dreadful, things came to a head when i told my pdoc if given the opportunity i would put an end to things. Unfortunately this was said whilst my wife was present Something on my discharge, we both struggled with.
I can't come to terms with the distress i caused. After a short period of feeling well i now feel a bit flat. I hope i am not spiralling into a full blown depression.
Dear me such a long post, Sorry i apologise for this.