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Having dark thoughts...

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amver
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2018 5:50 pm

Having dark thoughts...

Postby amver » Sat Oct 13, 2018 6:03 pm

Hi, I've been having suicidal thoughts lately and I feel like it just gets worse day by day.
I've tried to get help a few years ago but I wasn't comfortable. Only one of my parents knew about my mental health issues but told their friends despite telling them not to tell anyone. I don't know what to do. I'm finding it very difficult to open up to the people around me, I don't want to be judged and these people have either bullied and betrayed me before and some are just oblivious to the fact that i'm depressed.

I am just so tired.

dotty28
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2018 10:08 pm

Re: Having dark thoughts...

Postby dotty28 » Sat Oct 13, 2018 10:21 pm

Hi. I am new to this and your headline immedetly caught my attention as last January
I was in this place too, extremely down, I had bad thoughts not just about suicide but
About other people too, everyone around me I felt was a bad person it's quite hard for me to
Explain but I know how you feel and I still have days where I feel very low. I went to therapy
Had CBT, anti depressants and went to a self harm clinic, it helps for a short while but
As soon as my therapist missed my appointment I fled and told myself I wasn't good enough
And no one cared. Looking back I wish I had stayed on, maybe you need to go to.the doctors
And tell.them how you feel as it is all confidential and they may point you in the right direction.
I'm.aorry that your mum broke your trust that's the reason we stop telling people and stop trusting,
Maybe she needed an outlet too. Remember that everyday is a new day and no matter
How you feel now, something could happen tommorow and it could change. What is your
Daily routine? Are you taking care of your self hygienically, physically? Your worth more
Than what your mind is telling you. You need to give yourself a break. Take a look at breathing techniques online and
When an unwanted though arises use the tool. Also there is an app called headspace you might want too take a look at. Best wishes. D

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Having dark thoughts...

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Sat Oct 13, 2018 11:07 pm

Interestingly my approach is different from yours

I tell people that I am telling them and then they can do whatever they want with that information if they think it will help me in some way - but please do not use it for tittle tatttle gossip - it is a private matter and not right for that sort of attitude

If you tell someone they may want to do something or tell someone that they think might then be able to help you in some way

Is that a bad thing if they do
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

amver
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2018 5:50 pm

Re: Having dark thoughts...

Postby amver » Sun Oct 14, 2018 2:56 am

dotty28 wrote:Hi. I am new to this and your headline immedetly caught my attention as last January
I was in this place too, extremely down, I had bad thoughts not just about suicide but
About other people too, everyone around me I felt was a bad person it's quite hard for me to
Explain but I know how you feel and I still have days where I feel very low. I went to therapy
Had CBT, anti depressants and went to a self harm clinic, it helps for a short while but
As soon as my therapist missed my appointment I fled and told myself I wasn't good enough
And no one cared. Looking back I wish I had stayed on, maybe you need to go to.the doctors
And tell.them how you feel as it is all confidential and they may point you in the right direction.
I'm.aorry that your mum broke your trust that's the reason we stop telling people and stop trusting,
Maybe she needed an outlet too. Remember that everyday is a new day and no matter
How you feel now, something could happen tommorow and it could change. What is your
Daily routine? Are you taking care of your self hygienically, physically? Your worth more
Than what your mind is telling you. You need to give yourself a break. Take a look at breathing techniques online and
When an unwanted though arises use the tool. Also there is an app called headspace you might want too take a look at. Best wishes. D


Thank you for sharing your experience. I feel quite relieved that I’m not the only one who feels like this, but i’m sorry too because being this way truly sucks.

I have noticed that i have lost my appetite these past few days, and i havent been taking care of my physical appearance either. During the day I get mood swings, one minute i’m okay, usually when i’m distracted, the next i’m replaying negative thoughts in my head and think of ways how to end my life. I don’t think i’d want to see the doctors again, if i do i’d have to do it secretly, and it’s hard for me to keep secrets from my family and bf. everyone thinks i’m fine and i would be really embarrassed if people found out. I live in a town where rumors spread quick and i have trust issues too. I do not want my friends or family to pity me.

I’m sorry if i’m sounding very stubborn... i’ll try headspace for now.

amver
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2018 5:50 pm

Re: Having dark thoughts...

Postby amver » Sun Oct 14, 2018 3:06 am

upwards-is-the-aim wrote:Interestingly my approach is different from yours

I tell people that I am telling them and then they can do whatever they want with that information if they think it will help me in some way - but please do not use it for tittle tatttle gossip - it is a private matter and not right for that sort of attitude

If you tell someone they may want to do something or tell someone that they think might then be able to help you in some way


Is that a bad thing if they do


Hi, i have told a few people and some lf them unfortunately did tell it to others as a gossip. I told one person, and another person who i have never spoken to in a long time tried to verify it from me, saying that he had heard it from his parents!
You sound like a strong person though, I admire how trusting you are. I wish i can be like that too, but I really cannot trust anyone after what happened..

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Having dark thoughts...

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Sun Oct 14, 2018 10:47 am

Well really it is not so much a trust thing - but because other people are going to probably talk about your situation anyway - then try and get the best that you can from it

So why not give them then permission but with the guidelines to work with

(That said I realise that is can be important sometimes that certain people do not know and so ??)

But also if people do know they can offer you support and understand your position better

And if they do ask how they can help try and come up with suggestions - small and real world

Such as - I find exchanging (confidential) texts sometimes helpful or having short telephone conversations sometimes or pop round for a cuppa

And yes they might then go and tell someone else. But if they help and as they get to understand - it will be less gossip and more help

Dealing with other peoples MH problems is not easy and so you have to hope that along your way you find some nuggets of folk - that get it - maybe because they have been there before themselves - and whom will then want to help and make a difference

The other are just the others so let them gossip away - it probably is not that interesting compared with trying to help you

Good luck
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

dotty28
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2018 10:08 pm

Re: Having dark thoughts...

Postby dotty28 » Sun Oct 14, 2018 12:19 pm

Hi; try doing one kind thing for yourself a day even if it's brushing your hair, painting your nails, go for a coffee,.
Etc if you can. This helps heaps even though it is seems so minor. Have you ever used the crisis team?
I know you have said that gossip spreads quickly around your area but these are confidential services and
And if they do talk about it then let them, you are your main concern and your health is important too,
Think of it as a good thing to do for yourself I you can. I said about the crisis team as you said about suicidal thoughts,
They will help and talk you through over the phone. I hope your feeling ok today.

amver
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2018 5:50 pm

Re: Having dark thoughts...

Postby amver » Tue Oct 16, 2018 4:43 am

Hi,

I’ve taken your advice, I am slowly opening up again to a few that i feel i can trust.
I hate showing vulnerability but I did it. I feel like weight has been lifted off my back.

Thank you for the advice both of you. It made my day, it’s refreshing for me to be hearing (or reading) kind words
directed towards me.
Right now I feel hopeful. I’m glad i joined this forum. :)

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Having dark thoughts...

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Tue Oct 16, 2018 9:14 pm

You do right tell one - tell all if need be - but do not bore
It really does not matter

But just so you know I used to feel ashamed also and then somewhere along the line my attitude changed - probably just the effects of time and realising that most people like to help provided they do not think you are going to become all needy on them

You are having dark thoughts about and around yourself

Not murdering he neighbour in the middle of a pentagram on some satanic ritual - but hey maybe you are having those also - those DO NOT SHARE

If people ask you say yes - ask them if they want to know more and if so chat a bit about it and if they seem right - ask if they will be part of your fringe support team to help you while you get through this period of your life/current issues

And when they say what does that mean - have ready some small but minor thing they can do to help
Like - and this is so easy - exchange a few texts sometimes - even specify a day of the week as the main one and that day only - you only need 7 of them
Would you be my Tuesday texter for a couple of weeks and see how it works and if it helps and if it works for them also

Meet for a coffee etc
Pause and exchange a few words about anything when you meet them - hey it is not all about you

Say it all helps to occupy your mind and take yourself out of yourself and sometimes that helps- despite it not seeming to be that much of a thing to have done

And then the ones you gel with - you can take further on the journey with you if you want

The rest may talk but they are no longer on the gossip side of the fence - they have been rebranded as part of your fringe support group
And they will probably defend and support you to others who are still gossipers

And I am pretyy sure that being depresssed suicidal is not that interesting for very long as gossip
But helping someone in that position is interesting

Oh and remember to say thanks sometimes but not constantly - let them know it helps

If you want them to gossip at least put some effort in and do something that is worth their time and effort to gossip about
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Having dark thoughts...

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Tue Oct 16, 2018 9:21 pm

Now go and help someone else on the forum

However small and simple

It will help you
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself


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