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*Trigger alert* Why are MH services so awful?

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
whitefluffyclouds
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:36 pm

*Trigger alert* Why are MH services so awful?

Postby whitefluffyclouds » Fri Oct 12, 2018 5:40 pm

I'm having a very bad few days. For the past week I've been actively struggling with suicidal feelings. I've just moved to a new city and technically have nowhere to live yet, after doing some residential volunteering up in Scotland this summer, which I thought would help improve my depression (in reality with totally mixed results).

Last Saturday I felt at risk to myself after squeezing a scarf around my neck. They checked me into A&E but after three hours nobody from their psych team had arrived (and the ward was full of drunken men) so I left. The hospital then called the police and put a missing persons report out. This meant I had to call into the police station the next day where I broke down in tears.

Another awful day on Wednesday. Took myself physically into my local Samaritans branch feeling suicidal and decided to attend A&E again. They saw me after two hours (psychiatric liaison) but the assessment was an awful experience. I was alone in a tiny room with one man talking about my life history (whilst very upset, anxious and sobbing). He was a very abrupt man and asked "What is your line of work, if indeed you've ever worked" which I found startlingly rude. Afterwards I requested a second person in the room, preferably female, so he went to fetch another male nurse to continue the assessment.
After a while a third female nurse entered and started asking me exactly the same questions as before. I was very emotional and sleep-deprived and started "zoning out" or some sort of disassociation. They told me they wouldn't continue the assessment because I was being unco-operative (I had given them loads of information!) and that my former mental health team had no record of me existing (unbelievable). They just gave me the number for a Crisis Team and shoved me through the door.

Didn't feel I could actually leave the hospital safely at this point, so just sat in a waiting room downstairs for two hours before asking to see the ward nurse, who wouldn't give me any of their names to make a complaint in the future.

Downstairs again, the hospital receptionist called their manager because they were concerned. This manager told me I had every right to take myself back to A&E. After another hour debating returning to a very hostile MH team, I decided to do just that because I still felt very suicidal.

The A&E receptionist told me the Psych Liaison team were refusing to see me and that I had been given a care plan. I said this hadn't been discussed and she mentioned the Crisis Team number. After refusing to book me in again, I quoted this manager abd they reluctantly booked me in to see a doctor. I waited a further four hours and was again told by the doctor there was nothing they could do

whitefluffyclouds
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:36 pm

Re: *Trigger alert* Why are MH services so awful?

Postby whitefluffyclouds » Fri Oct 12, 2018 5:57 pm

Part 2

Eventually, the Psychiatric Liaison team changed shifts and the new team reassessed me (due to further concerned phonecalls from hospital staff). They were nicer, but told me they were a referral service only and couldn't do anything (not even give me any medication to help me sleep. They said to contact my GP asap next morning for an appointment and they would forward their notes/report. I went home having spent 10 hours at the hospital, totally shattered, my mental health deteriorating.

Next morning, I called my new GP surgery first thing for an appointment. They didn't have any available (at 8am) neither any notes from the hospital. "Sorry, we can't help", they said.

By 11.30 am I found myself by the quayside, not fully present, looking to throw myself off into deep, cold choppy water. I cam very close, but managed to call the Crisis Team, who called the police. A sargeant turned up and I refused to let go of the railings (I was in a very bad state) but he slowly and eventually got me into his car. At the station I was taken to a room with a
with a female officer who took my details and sat chatting with me. I was informed their MH

whitefluffyclouds
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:36 pm

Re: *Trigger alert* Why are MH services so awful?

Postby whitefluffyclouds » Fri Oct 12, 2018 6:16 pm

worker needed to do another assessment and I as technically being detained. The assessor walked, assessed me then said he was putting in a referral to the Crisis Team who would be in contact soon (this was 2pm) and could I keep myself safe in the meantime. I replied truthfully that I wasn't sure, to which he said "That 's good enough for me" then left. I was told I could wait at the station until the Crisis Team called, but I was now free to leave.

Still feeling very vulnerable, I stayed until 8pm until the station closed. The police left me alone in a room with a scarf still feeling actively suicidal and didn't check on me for two hours. The Crisis Team didn't call. I hadn't eaten in nearly two days by this point, but somehow managed to leave. Didn't sleep again whatsoever.

Today:

At 10.30 I again took myself to the doctors surgery and was turned away. I called the Criss Team who told me they would call back in ten minutes to arrange something and didn't I waited over an hour then started feeling overwhelmed, not in control of myself and suicidal again. I ended up walking in front of a car that swerved, not fully aware of what I was doing. I called the Crisis Team again whilst in floods of tears to be met with an incredibly rude , unsympathetic reeptionist. She conradicted everything I was told by the police, saying I wouldn't be assessed in the community or at their offices, but would need to go back to A&E. Then someone called back to say after 9pm I hung up on them.
By this time I was starting to feel incredibly angry and walked to the Samaritans again, who helped cam me down.

Why can people who are mentally ill not get the help they need? I feel very, very poorly.

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: *Trigger alert* Why are MH services so awful?

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Sat Oct 13, 2018 11:36 pm

Sounds to me as if you are very poorly

And a victim of multiple organisations trying to work with each other and failing - er not unusual there

Make sure you rest and rest and eat proper food
It does not have to be a fancy meal but some protien - tinned fish will do it - some carbs - oat cakes - and some fresh veg or fruit - raw carrots

I have put in easy suggestions that are not to expensive and better than not eating

But any food is better than none and steady away so that your body is not also dealing with the roller coaster of your sugar and food levels on top of other stuff

Baked beans - microwave soup - egg or bacoon butties
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

whitefluffyclouds
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:36 pm

Re: *Trigger alert* Why are MH services so awful?

Postby whitefluffyclouds » Sun Oct 14, 2018 6:28 pm

Thanks Upwards,

I have just laid in bed this weekend, but managed to get out and buy some soup and a few supplies just now. You're right, my sugar levels have probably been haywire whilst not eating. Usually I cook from scratch and eat very healthily, but the MH dip on Wednesday disrupted that.

Thank you so much for caring. It's so frustrating when people (services) cannot think logically in those moments when people are beyond thinking logically for themselves (and also being rude to vulnerable people). I'm sure many lives could be saved if they just cared a little more and followed their own procedures properly.

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: *Trigger alert* Why are MH services so awful?

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Sun Oct 14, 2018 9:48 pm

We have to do as much as we can for ourselves and for others
Much as it would be nice if all the services out there were perfect etc - they aint and they are not going to be

The small bits add up

Getting some normal emergency food in you as opposed to trifle - cake etc

Of course it would better if it was freshly cooked from scratch and that is a good mental activity to do

But if you are not currently up for that - then make sure you have some make do supplies to hand OR ...

You will not be helping yourself
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself


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