Just looking for a bit of advice here, as I'm not sure where to turn at the moment. About two years ago I experienced an episode of what I believe to be cannabis-induced psychosis, where for about five days I felt like my brain was stuck in a groundhog-day loop of forgetting who I was every few seconds, re-remembering and panicking about what was happening, and then forgetting again. For context, I was a casual cannabis user for at least a year previous to this, maybe once every month or so, but had never experienced any issues with it until that one evening.
It was like waking up from a dream but then realising you hadn't been sleeping at all, and it happened every few minutes for about five days straight. It was impossible to do anything but sob and panic - it felt like my brain was being ripped apart, constantly swinging between states of awareness and delusion. Every now and then I would hear ringing in my ears or noises like children laughing, and when I shut my eyes I could curiously see the pattern in a rug I had as a child. All I did was shut myself away and hope that it stopped happening - on the fifth day, *trig* I had decided that I would take my life if the episode did not stop the next day.
*end trig* Luckily it slowed down on the sixth day, enough to start trying to function again. Looking back I have no idea how I went through that without reaching out for help, as if it happened again now I would for sure call an ambulance or someone to take me to A&E. But I think I was just so terrified of doing anything other than staying in my room that I did nothing, and by the time the worst of it had passed I felt like no one would believe me if I said anything.
For about a year afterwards I felt severely depersonalised and I'm only now starting to feel like I actually exist (weird, I know, but I don't know how else to put it). Needless to say I haven't touched weed since. It's been on my mind a lot lately as I'm reflecting on the severity of it and doing research into why it could have happened, and almost every article suggests I could be susceptible to schizophrenia or another psychotic illness.
I'm so terrified to reach out to a doctor. Will I be dismissed as a case of smoking too much pot or something? Will anyone even believe me? Do I even need to see a doctor, if i'm just overreacting about the whole thing?
I'd really appreciate any kind of help here as I feel so out of my depth and have done for years.
Thank you so much for reading. <3