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Just feel like letting it all out.

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luciarakan
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2018 2:00 pm

Just feel like letting it all out.

Postby luciarakan » Thu Oct 11, 2018 2:05 pm

Hi.
This is all a bit strange and new. Not sure how I've ended up here but I'm here. It's currently almost 4.30 am & yet another sleepless night. Worries and fears that I've never experienced before are making my life extremely miserable. Broken sleep ... no appetite. ... no desire to socialise anymore. Nervous when doing things I've always done just comes out of nowhere & hit me like a ton of bricks. No concentration & poor memory. My job is demanding with large responsibility & I'm struggling. I feel unable to do it anymore but needs must & giving up my job is not an option.
I've spoken to my doctor numerous times. The first he was in my opinion extremely quick to say I was depressed and suffering with anxiety. I declined the offer of medication & promised to keep in touch if things didn't change. I went away & tried to carry on as normal. I lost weight & was exhausted from broken sleep & continued worrying about my ability to do my job. I broke down 1 night infront of my husband & it all came out. He had no idea I felt so bad.
I can't see a reason or a trigger for how I feel. It just sort of slowly crept over me. I feel useless & struggle to make decisions. My worrying is out of control. I worry about everything. My health my children's health my job & my actions at work. Just everything gets blown out of proportion in my head & triggers a never ending cycle of worry & nervousness.
I returned to my doctor who ran some blood tests & did discover I was suffering with anemia. This is now corrected after taking a course of medication.
We talked again about medication to lift my mood & I have again declined. I'm not sure why. The stigma maybe? I don't know.
Today (Wednesday) is my day off & I'm already worrying about my return to work on Thursday.
I have good days too. I feel happy & safe at home in familiar surroundings but my whole life can't just be at home.
Well anyway. That's me. I've somehow ended up here. I've never done this before.
Thanks for reading.

mel14
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2018 2:40 pm

Re: Just feel like letting it all out.

Postby mel14 » Thu Oct 11, 2018 2:48 pm

Hi, I've just joined myself and I feel exactly like you do, the anxiety and worry is so tiring, it's scary to actually do this, I've tried counselling for my anxiety but never posted on a forum before

pauley
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Sep 26, 2018 5:48 am

Re: Just feel like letting it all out.

Postby pauley » Fri Oct 12, 2018 7:28 pm

I totally understand both of you, your experiences are very similar to mine. I tried to resist medication, continued to suffer deep depressions, couldn't eat or sleep, lost weight until I just fell apart one day....and that day is the day I sought help.
I was put on mirtazapine 2 weeks ago, and I can say I am starting to feel better. i generally sleep (as well as anti depressant is also aids sleep) still have restless nights but at least some nights I fall asleep!
I to have a pressurised job as a lecturer, and I can honestly say this medication has in no way impacted work. Please do talk to people, open up, I didn't and literally just fell on the floor and could not get up. I was totally broken.
Its hard, I still suffer, but there is no stigma with asking for help or going on medication.
Good luck

angelique
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2018 10:19 pm

Re: Just feel like letting it all out.

Postby angelique » Fri Oct 12, 2018 10:47 pm

There doesn't have to be a stigma, not everyone needs to know how you are feeling, Its up to you how you deal with the dark feelings... In my experience Mirtazapine has worked for me for over 5 years. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself some help.. its okay ya know. You are worth it x

curiously-drew
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2018 3:22 pm

Re: Just feel like letting it all out.

Postby curiously-drew » Sat Oct 13, 2018 12:28 am

Hi Lucia (hope I got that right)

Listening to you list your symptoms is like reading a page from my own diary. It's a horrible place to be I know, and I'm sure you relentlessly wonder why everything seems harder than it ought to be.

I have tried anti-depressants on three occasions. The first few times I felt no effect even after a period of four weeks. The third time they made me feel a little on edge and less in control than I usually feel. They're not for everyone, but each individual is different and you could benefit greatly, I have a friend who turned his life around in 6 months thanks to medication. If you decide that course of action is right for you I would recommend you persist for at least a month as the effects are not generally immediate, and should you stop I'd recommend you wean yourself off, as suddenly stopping can cause symptoms to worsen. I only say this because doctors do not always act in our best interests, it's sometimes the easy response for them to prescribe something and not give all the facts. I've had to switch GP's in the past, best choice ever because mine was a real monster!

I'm sorry you feel awkward about even asking for them - or perhaps you fear telling your family/colleagues/employer. I hope you can make the right choice for you.

I find when I'm at my lowest it's helpful to separate myself from my depression. You can give it a name, this helps you recognise it as something which isn't you. I call it 'The Pit', when I feel at my lowest I visualise myself in the pit, suddenly all of my coping mechanisms kick in because in that moment I no longer want to feel trapped. It helps a great deal.

curiously-drew
Posts: 8
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2018 3:22 pm

Re: Just feel like letting it all out.

Postby curiously-drew » Sat Oct 13, 2018 12:34 am

I'd just like to add one more thing. Staying in the house is so tempting when you're craving comfort, but I'm sure I don't need to tell you that getting out does help. If you can get yourself into nature it's a real bonus. There's nothing quite like the sound of the wind in the trees, the birds chirping, the fresh smell of clean rural air. So if you're able, perhaps take a stroll in some woods or a park. Hope things improve : )


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