Hi Lucia (hope I got that right)
Listening to you list your symptoms is like reading a page from my own diary. It's a horrible place to be I know, and I'm sure you relentlessly wonder why everything seems harder than it ought to be.
I have tried anti-depressants on three occasions. The first few times I felt no effect even after a period of four weeks. The third time they made me feel a little on edge and less in control than I usually feel. They're not for everyone, but each individual is different and you could benefit greatly, I have a friend who turned his life around in 6 months thanks to medication. If you decide that course of action is right for you I would recommend you persist for at least a month as the effects are not generally immediate, and should you stop I'd recommend you wean yourself off, as suddenly stopping can cause symptoms to worsen. I only say this because doctors do not always act in our best interests, it's sometimes the easy response for them to prescribe something and not give all the facts. I've had to switch GP's in the past, best choice ever because mine was a real monster!
I'm sorry you feel awkward about even asking for them - or perhaps you fear telling your family/colleagues/employer. I hope you can make the right choice for you.
I find when I'm at my lowest it's helpful to separate myself from my depression. You can give it a name, this helps you recognise it as something which isn't you. I call it 'The Pit', when I feel at my lowest I visualise myself in the pit, suddenly all of my coping mechanisms kick in because in that moment I no longer want to feel trapped. It helps a great deal.