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Married to a depressed person

If you're concerned about, or care for, someone with mental illness
twlewis
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2018 1:14 pm

Married to a depressed person

Postby twlewis » Tue Oct 09, 2018 4:12 pm

How do you cope with a depressed husband??I have been married for 15 years to a man that is constantly struggling with his mental health. He knows it is an issue but refuses to seek professional help. He just accepts it is hereditary and must wait for the phase to pass which it doesn't. As awful as it is for him I think I have come to the point where i want to give up. My biggest struggle is having him get help, he just will not speak to a professional and thinks it is down to me to support him to get through. He and his family know it exists but want to bury their heads in the sand until the symptoms ease up. What can you do in this situation? If it wasn't for the three kids we have I think I would have given up years ago.

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 520
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Married to a depressed person

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:54 pm

Wait for them to kill themselves - seriously - happened to someone I half knew and they were liberated by it

Try and have your own life and time with the children and have your husband on the edge not pulling you down

Try and get him to have his own life to pull himself up slowly

Always be there to offer support but not at some slave level - but at the level you are doing now - suggesting that he gets help etc

You do not make clear whether he has always been like this or not

What has changed

Does he/you know guess/suspect what has caused him to be depressive
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 520
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Married to a depressed person

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:59 pm

You imply it stops at time - can you work out when/why it stops/starts

How do you help him - or do you just put up with his moping around

Does he have any interests

Does he drink a lot

Do you communicate well

How do your friends find him - what about his work collegues

Tell us more
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

phoenix76
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 6:36 pm
Location: Colchester in Essex

Re: Married to a depressed person

Postby phoenix76 » Thu Oct 18, 2018 8:40 pm

Being around a depressed person is really horrible. They create an awful, black atmosphere that can be infectious. What is his diet like? People with depression should stay away from caffeine, sugar, and junk food. And also alcohol. If he cut those and switched to a clean, plant-based diet you might be surprised by the results.

vatika
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Jan 29, 2017 3:22 pm

Re: Married to a depressed person

Postby vatika » Wed Oct 24, 2018 7:08 pm

I have a depressed son, he doesn't live with me as he is 29 but , I know it sounds horrible, but he is ruining my life. Nothing i do or say is good enough. he says i don't support him but I don't know what more I can do. he has now ignored me for nearly 2 weeks, i know he is ok as he has been going to work but I think he will lose his job soon and i will then need to support him financially. I am at my wits end. It is making me depressed myself. I have spoken to some people and when i explain all the support I have given him they say I can't do anymore. He has been depressed for 10 years now nd I don't know how much more I can take

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 520
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Married to a depressed person

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Wed Oct 24, 2018 8:25 pm

(A new forum thread would have been better for your problem - I suggest you start one and with a useful title and also copy my reply to it)

Sometimes you cannot do/solve everything - you are saying that yourself in your forum post
And you have to accept that

So decide where you are going to draw the line and write it down - otherwise it will vary according to your mood at any time - and any pressure you are under etc

You can use this forum to help you work out what that line should be for you and when and if and how you should change it - and there will be lines for different subjects

And also use this forum to work out how you can help him that you may have missed

Is he on AD's etc
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

upwards-is-the-aim
Posts: 520
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:16 pm

Re: Married to a depressed person

Postby upwards-is-the-aim » Wed Oct 24, 2018 8:29 pm

vatika wrote: Nothing i do or say is good enough. he says i don't support him but I don't know what more I can do.
I have spoken to some people and when i explain all the support I have given him they say I can't do anymore. He has been depressed for 10 years now nd I don't know how much more I can take


Well some people always need more - or complain - which is why you need the line - so that you are still okay and able to help him within your own limits

And set small targets to help him and use this forum

Does he - and/or you know why he is depressed

Knowing that gives a chance of working on the problem
Trying to help and be supportive to others on this forum is one of my attempts to reduce my own depression. Getting ourselves out of our own head circles is usually a good thing to do. Maybe try it yourself

robin71
Posts: 21
Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2018 6:02 pm

Re: Married to a depressed person

Postby robin71 » Sun Oct 28, 2018 8:37 pm

Hello, my wife is also long term depression, and ocd.

There is no reason why your husband can not go to his GP to talk about this. You are obviously a very strong person. But there are meds and other treatments for mental health that you can not be expected to provide.

If he says no, make him list ten ways that he is self treating his condition, I bet he can not. It's an old adage but asking for help is a sign of strength, hiding is the sign of weakness.


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