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Has my dad been psychologically abusing me?

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Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2018 3:58 pm

Has my dad been psychologically abusing me?

Postby adsbo123 » Mon Oct 08, 2018 4:14 pm

Hi all,

This is a lengthy read but very important to me so I'd be grateful for your time and support.

Since my mum disappeared when I was 10 years old it's just been my dad and I. I had to grow up pretty fast and immediately had responsibilities thrown on my shoulders that I realise now I shouldn't have ever been given.

My dad is bone idle. Not just a bit lazy or even very lazy, but absolutely BONE IDLE to the marrow and it's why my mum left (She told me). The only way I can get him to do anything is by constantly prompting and nagging him. It's exhausting and unacceptable that I have to do this because he appears to have no initiate, drive or ability to do anything himself... it's pathetic. The man would be happy never to doing a single other thing for the rest of his life and he really just doesn't care who knows how bone idle he is. He also has no friends, no hobbies and no interest in anything.

The thing that annoys me the most, beyond everything else, is that our house is falling apart. He's lived here for 40 years and has never done a single piece of DIY in all that time. Literally NOTHING. I've done it ALL from the age of 12. If something breaks, I've tried testing him and leaving it, but it will stay damaged or broken until I fix it. Days, months and years will pass and he will pretend like there are no issues. Regardless of how big or small the damage is it will not get fixed unless I do it. It's often simple tasks that can be done in minutes but he is just so lazy he simply won't do anything. He's like a human cartoon character and surely no one can genuinely be this bad.

Anyway, many years later, the brick work outside the house is crumbling, the paint disintegrating, the front door rotted, the roof has holes in it and leaks inside and all this from years and years of neglect. It's going to be down to me to fix at some point.
The inside I have been working on since I was a child and is pretty well decorated and none of it he contributed towards. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it.

I've had terrible depression and low self esteem for many years. I have crippling anxiety and was diagnosed with Bipolar in 2010. I, admittedly, hate my existence and feel completely trapped. I've bounced around from job to job struggling with my mental health and having multiple break downs. I start new jobs already stressed out and it doesn't take long for things to go completely awry leading to unemployment. I love working and really want a stable career and a life of my own, but feel completely and utterly trapped in this vile cycle of pressure, stress and mental fatigue. I have a job again now and desperately trying to keep this one but I can feel my health slipping again.

I feel, now as an adult, that my dad has been abusing me. He never discusses work and will not entertain any conversations regarding DIY whatsoever. He appears to lose the power of speech whenever it suits him and anything I say often falls on deaf ears. The pressure has been constant since childhood having to do all the housework, DIY etc whilst trying to hold down a job, when there is another person here contributing zero and clearly doing everything possible to avoid work unless I harass him. I actually feel at the end of my tether with him and have really started to despise him. He is a slob and a pig.

Could this actually be a potential answer to my mental health problems? Has he been psychologically abusing me all these years and I only just realised now? After all the trauma and heartache I've been through mentally it might have been him all along that caused it?

What are your thoughts?

Thanks so much

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