Citalopram is the drug I used to come out of the lows of depression.... this is also the drug that gave me the high side of depression. The first time I tried to commit suicide this drug helped pick me up....If I’m honest it was my own fault I got there. I took my mental health for granted... I had lots of people around me at the time trying to help but I pushed them all away.... luckily I survived so I got a second chance.
This last one wasn’t just my fault... I’ve been let down by the nhs massively... I was told to take this for a year.... even though after 4 and 6 months I asked to reduce my dose as I was feeling better. The Dr both times said with what happened it’ll be better to do a year then start coming off them....coincidentally it’s about a year now.... I started coming off these tablets about 2 months ago. I found out I should have been only taking the drug for 3-6 months max because of its strength and what ssri drugs do. So essentially the NHS made me overdose for 6 months on an drug I should of been coming off of to change to drug more aimed at maintaining the chemical balance not rebuilding it. All I can assume is when I acquired the ability to make myself happy these tablets is what sent through the atmosphere... I’ve been told recently in some of my manic episodes that I looked like I was on cocaine.... I did that in my teens and it’s an awful drug I’d never take again. I was on drugs though a drug that was prescribed by dr... is that my fault... I always get told just do as your told by the dr your not “DR KARL”..... well no I’m not but this break of trust is going to make it hard to trust any dr again. I will no longer take any drug until I have done extensive research myself. So when I have made my opinion as “Dr Karl” I will discuss it with the Dr that is qualified so we can work on “my care” together... hopefully me sharing this will help others not get overdosed on this med. My life is in ruins right now and I know made a lot of mistakes myself. There is a big part of me that is resentful to all the gps that see me in the last year. It’s going to take a lot to get over... in a way I partially blame them for ruining my life. It’s only me that is left with the mess to clear up.... I’ve literally lost everything this time....last time i almost lost everything. The only thing I have left in this world now is the people close to me. I have so many more than I had before and that’s what keeps me positive. I learnt that it’s not about the things you have in life it’s the people. Unfortunately it took me losing two good women and everything I owned and loved to understand that. I’ve always learnt the hard way... but hopefully that is s big enough lesson that my life will change so much this time. I’ll never be back here again and that keeps me strong. I have to be, I don’t get to be on my arse for long, my son needs me. More than anyone else in the world because I’m the only one that understands him. He’s autistic like me...he’s struggling to find his way in the world like I did... but with my experience I’ve helped him so far... he’s had a better time of things than me... so far I’ve done my job. The thing that hurts the most is if either suicide attempt was successful he would of been without me... that would of made life 10 times more difficult... then he would probably end up on the same path I did.... the destructive one. That would of been a true waste of my life. I’m just grateful I’m still here ...so I can pass all the experience I’ve had to Kai ....so he doesn’t have to go through what I did. Then my life will be worthwhile everything else I do on top of that now is a bonus.... so I imagine life will get infinitely easier.... hopefully.... like I always say.... “there’s always hope” ❤️