really don't know how to do this, first time on here, trying to work out how to post so not sure if I am doing this right so far.
I wanted the rant room initially as I'm an addict and have relapsed and I am really angry with myself, pointless, I know, but I suppose I just want some kind of anon outlet
I am sad, confused, 
angry 
, disappointed, 
ashamed 
and feel selfish and guilty.I can't even say that I get anything from it genuinely!! Well, one small thing! I've lost a bit of weight through this relapse, that I've gained in recovery and yes I have to say I'm happy about that, I don't like having weight on me, it doesn't feel nice, it's really uncomfortable but omg I'm in a right mess now, it's going to take me ages to get out of the mess I'm in. And what's a bit of weight anyway? I'll get used to it. It's just that I really felt like I was living inside someone elses body! I was bigger than I've ever been in my life and it felt weird! I'm not on about the looks, I'm too old to be bothered about that now!
It's never even good, all I want is to feel chilled, feel nice, escape lifes pressures for a bit, but I don't, I just feel unwell and I don't like the shite I chat and the way I am when I'm wrecked ( if you can call it that cos it's shite anyway!) Oh what a life! I just want to be clean and healthy. whyyyyyy am I here!! Time to surrender...Again!!
Anyway, thank you for this space to do this. I hope I am not in an inappropriate space with my post, if I am please would you let me know and accept my apology. Hello, thanks for having me, I'm female, way too old to be still relapsing ( should have found my way by now) and from the North. This is all I wish to say
Boohoo, poor me, pity party here!