I don't understand this conversation as well as you two, but can say that going private feels much safer in some ways than going NHS. It is expensive, but there are some ways of finding funding and getting good help. I've looked for reputable private organisations who offer sliding scale fees, and have found that they do the same thing as each other, which is taking you as a person, your experiences, and current problems, and empower you to understand and manage/change. I've got a limited understanding, but feel that psychotherapy is v good for complex situations.
Anyway, keep an open mind x