Hi carmac34, welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you at the moment and you're feeling very low. It's a pretty quiet forum so it takes a while to get replies, but everyone is friendly and supportive. Do you want to tell us a bit more about what's been going on with you? Sometimes it helps to get things off our chest rather than bottling it all up. It sounds like you're being very hard on yourself and blaming yourself for everything (which is something that I often do as well).